TMI Thursday, thanksgiving style...

TMI Thursday

My husband will probably kill me if he catches me writing this, because he doesn't really like when I bring it up. I mean, it's been over three months since this happened, so I think he should just get over it.

Here goes.

On September 6th, just after 4:00 in the morning, I updated my facebook status to "I think I am getting divorced."

Needless to say, I awoke the next afternoon to a facebook inbox and a voicemail inbox flooded with concerms. (No one clicked "like" on that status. I guess I don't have anyone pining for me in such a way that they are rooting for me to leave my husband. Kind of sad.)

Here's what caused the status update:

Hubs and I were hanging out at that bar - you know, the place that would eventually cause me to puke in my own car and stuff. He made a trip to the restroom and I sat on a barstool alone. I was starting to wonder if he fell in or something, but spotted him across the way talking to some pals he ran into. I stayed put, not wanting to lose our seats. Boys approached me - a good looking boy and his wingman.

I wish I could relay the witty conversation between the three of us, but it's a blur, of course. I do remember that hot guy was married, and that the wingman was his best friend from high school and was in from out of town visiting. When my hubs returned to find his bar stool occupied, hot guy said that he had "known me for years" and that he and I were just catching up.

Hubs knew this was clearly false, but he didn't mind us chatting. He allows me to speak when spoken to, and sometimes, even when I am unprovoked.

A foursome now, we all retire to the patio for cigarette smoking and fresh air - quite the contradiction, I guess. Hubster and the wingman are lost in sporty chat and the hot guy is giving me googly eyes.

When my Mr. goes back into the bar, hot guy tells me I am a MILF. I remind him I don't have children. He says the "M" stands for married.

Oh. Wow. Swoon. Thank you for the compliement?

So, hubs is talking to wingman again, lost in talk of football players and manuevers and the night is drawing to a close. Hot guy is all a flirt-in' and I am trying to behave.

Then, it happens. Hot guy asks me for my phone number. I give it to him, two numbers at a time, coyly. I am not concerned, since hubster is not paying attention and the hot guy won't call. He's married. He'll delete the number when he gets home, satisfied that he can still score digits, and our lives will go on.

We leave the bar soon after that, and hubs apparently wasn't as drunk or as oblivious as I thought. He. was. pissed.

"You gave a guy your phone number! Right in front of me!"
At first I tried to deny, much like I had at nine years old about the handwriting on the bottom of my foot. "What? No I didn't. I'm drunk. What was the question again?"

This all errupted into a verbal argument about my intentions and integrity. He said he was done, that it was over, that he was moving out and divorcing me, over those seven little uttered numbers.


The next day he forgave me, and I tried to console him by telling him that it was unfair of the hot guy to ask me for my number, because I had been drinking. If he had asked me what color the sky was, I would have answered blue. That's how my mind works when I have been drinking, because I overshare. Thankfully, hubs didn't ask how I would have answered if hot guy's question had been "how do you suck a..." (Family holiday. Keep it clean, Amber.)

It hit me, though, that the reason I found hot guy so irresistible: he looked like the teacher from GLEE.

In short, I am thankful for a forgiving husband. And for hot boys who still want to get me in trouble.

Check out Lilu's blog for more tragic tales.

And then go eat turkey. Gotta run! Here comes my hubby.


Carol said…
There are some men out there that are not quite so forgiving. Lucky gal!
I know Ward doesn't always read my blog which is a good thing or he would would be a tad pissy with me on a regular basis!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Travener said…
So...the question everyone wants answered... Did the hot guy ever call?
pinkflipflops said…
haha sounds like some of my crazy nights..
Tina Lynn said…
Now that puts pictures in my head of you and "hot guy" singing karaoke...
Shandal said…
I think my husband would probably react the same way if I did that. Did the hot guy ever call you?
Oooh. That's TOTALLY something I would have done. I just would have said I thought the guy was gay and wanted to go shopping to try to cover my ass. HA! Loved it.
The Daily Rant said…
You know, I kinda dig the Glee guy too. But still - I would never give him my phone number because I'm afraid if he DID call, I wouldn't be able to say no. Married or no married. LOL
For those of you who wanted to know... yes, the hot guy called. My cell phone started ringing right about the time I was updating my facebook status... it was one of those, "omg WHY isn't my cell on vibrate right now?" because the hubster was sooo pissed and it kept ringing and ringing as I was digging in my purse to find it.

He left a voicemail, "Uh, this is HOT GUY. I might have the wrong number?" or something equally mundane. (Also, his wife was out of town for the weekend, if I didn't mention that in the post.)

I deleted the voicemail AND the call itself, so that I wouldn't have the number in my phone.

Thankfully, he never called again. :)
AMBER!!!! What is wrong with you! I know its nice to get attention and feel like you still "got it", but come on. Your husband is a better man than I, and I hope this post does not bring back and old argument. Its one thing to be drunk and be loose lipped(on your face) saying things like COCK in church, yeah, that shit happens, but secretly giving your number to a guy at a bar...thats a whole different thing. You are a bad girl ATM, go sit in the corner. Husband if you read this, I give you permission to punch her ONCE in the stomach.

I didn't give him my number secretly. I gave it to him right in front of my husband. Duh.

Plus, I, uh, thought he was gay and wanted to go shopping.

I'll punch you in the face if you ever give anyone permission to hit me again. Bring it, de la Varner. Bring it!
I would bring it but I am an underachiever. My ego couldn't take the blow of getting beat up by a girl. Thanks for offering.


Lucy said…
Wow, you have a great guy! Not sure what my husband would have done, glad you worked it out!!!!
Saved by the ring!

I'm a cool dude, but my future Mrs. better have a bit more respect. Drinking or not - no excuse.

See... that's what freaks me out about tying the knot - I think when girls and guys get married they freak out because it's going to be the ONE person fo eva. No more flirting, no more getting asked for digits, no more drunken one nighters...

There is some sort of rewarding, self-fulfilling trickle of yumminess that creeps up the spine whenever a member of the opposite sex shows interest, but when you get married - technically you're supposed to turn off "the vibe" and keep the vultures at bay.

It takes will power...
saucyminx410 said…
Will Scheuster? Yes please!

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