TMI: because if you don't read my blog on Thursdays, it's your loss

Last Friday, I posted a confession (mother mary, comfort me) regarding my TMI embellishment bold-faced-lie.

(I think the reason I felt most guilty was that the title of last Thursday's post was TMI: in which I am long-winded but it is worth it in the end. And you know, since the end was the part where I lied.)

So, I offered to put aside my pride and, as penance, answer all of your burning questions.

What was I thinking? Little did I know...

Well, let's just jump right in:

Ashley Stone, who has known me for more than a decade, got the ball rolling:

haha....well I heard a little rumor back in high school about you and a certain someone sneaking into the unfinished side of my basement during the "Design for Murder" cast party at my house. Haha...true? Fabricated? ; )

Oh, Ashley.

Let me answer this question with another question: are you allowed to be mad at me for something that happened more than ten years ago? I hope not. That being said, I do not recall anything about an unfinished basement. What I do remember however, is a laundry room with doors.

I would like to elaborate for my readers that the certain someone Ashley referenced was not just some random, skanky hook-up. Rather, the co-culprit here was my high school boyfriend, who I still (hell, since it's Thursday I'll just put it all out there!) believe hung the moon, and were I half an inch taller (he has a height requirement now) and a quarter of an inch braver, I would literally run into his arms and never leave them.

What can I say? It's Thursday.

(Ashley, do you love me less knowning that I christened your parents washing machine and possibly their dryer as well?)

Travener asked...

Are they real?

At first I was a bit miffed that Travener had the audacity to question the validity of the twins. Then, I got over it. I decided his query was best answered in a photo response:


The girls are not products of the late nineties or the new millenium. In reference to Travener's follow up comment, if they're real, they're spectacular, Elizabeth and Ophelia would like to say...
thank you very much.


In a less revealing-required comment, Roni @ FictionGroupie asked:

Why did you choose to write literary fiction? (i only ask because based on the "voice" you have in your blog, I would have pegged you to write something lighter that would give you more opportunity to use your sense of humor.)

Roni, this is a great question. I know that my blog is more often tongue-in-cheeck than it is serious or literary. However, in my writing, I love to use fancy schmancy words and I aspire to write a beautiful, character driven novel. Also, the subject matter lends itself to the genre. (Suicide, love lost, sanity lost, etc.) I hope that choosing literary fiction doesn't mean I won't be able to incorporate some moments that give readers cause to ROFL or even to LtheirA'sO.

Because I asked for it, Tina Lynn wanted to know:

Okay...(and remember you asked for it), how did you lose your innocence? Back up the truck! Did I just ask that? Yes, I did.

My dearest, sweetest niblet, I adore the way you worded question, except I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Are you asking me how I lost my virginity? I assume that's what you were going for, so here is my answer:

First, I did not lose it at Ashley's house during a cast party.

Secondly, I assure you, no banana bicycle seats were harmed in the event.

It was a romantic February evening -- might have happened on the most romantic day of the year -- in fact, I'm about to celebrate my 11th anniversary of being de-virged.

After eating dinner at a chinese buffet, cast-party-boy and I watched Zeffirelli's Romeo & Juliet in my parent's basement, and then we did it! Mostly, I remember he wore a yin-yang necklace and I had on special hot pink panties.

It. was. fantastic. fine. Whatever, it's not like I still think about it sometimes.

Ohh, I do think this is awesome... I started using this joke a few years ago. I'll say, "Um, excuse me. Has anyone seen my virginity? I've been looking for it for the better part of a decade!"

Krapfish, who is weird, asked...

Whats the difference between a potato?

Dude, seriously, were you drunk when you wrote this?

Diana Paz said...

Oh that's okay, we forgive you. And you just inspired a new post for me, so thank you! As for a question, I have ten, only because I asked them of Tina on her 10th postday celebration and I enjoyed her answers. It'll be fun reading yours too:


1. Coke or Pepsi?
Diet whichever, but lately it's diet pepsi. I drink like a six-pack a day. It is my number two vice in life.

2. Star Wars or Star Trek?
Um, can I choose neither? I definitely prefer the Wars to the Trek, but, you know... I'm not really into either.

3. Elvis or The Beatles?
Duhspice! The Beatles! Let It Be is one of my favorite songs of all time.

4. Edward or Jacob?
Team Edward over here, though one of my coworkers referred to him as a 150 year old pedophile today, and it kind of creeped me out, because I hadn't really thought of it that way before.

5. TV or internet?
Oh, god: both!

6. Fame or fortune?
I would choose fortune, and I might then consider using my fortune to catapult me into fame.

7. Lip gloss or lipstick?
I don't really wear either with regularity, but I would pick lip gloss over lipstick every day of the week.

8. Beach or mountains?
I'm a pisces -- a water sign. I love being at the beach... the wind and the waves. Can't I go there now?

9. Jet plane or cruise ship?
I have admitted before that I have an intense fear of flying and have never been on an airplane. Someday, I will look this fear in the face. That's a promise. (But, today I'm going to go ahead and go with cruise ship.)


10. Hugs or kisses?
It cetaintly depends on who is on the receiving end, but I am definitely a touchy person -- I don't require much personal space.

Finally, Organic Meatbag had his mind in the gutter like practically everyone else:

Oooh ooh, I'll throw in another inappropriate question, Amber: top or bottom? Hahaha

Okay, let's wrap it up. Here's the last of my weekly overshare:

Lately, I prefer the bottom...

(because I'm lazy.)

Visit Lilu's blog for more tragic tales!

Comments

Yeah, I get to use one of your best words: Awesomespice!
Loved it.
lol, you're a brave woman. I could never do this post. My mother reads my blog and she still thinks that I waited until my husband for the de-virginization. She'd be crushed. :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
I...never...realized just how...well...your "ladies"...support the...endowment...of the arts...
Travener said…
The 80s as a decade were pretty unkind to me...but more than nice to you, I must say!
Tina Lynn said…
"...because I'm lazy..." Nice. When you say things like that, you make me love you even more:)
@ jonathon - ty

@ mad woman - you made me smilesice.

@ Roni - My mom doesn't know about my blog... well, if she does she hasn't mentioned it. I wonder if would tell me if she discovered it.

@ mjenks - your comment also made me pee a little.

@ travener - I am sorry that you hated the 80's. Personally, it's my favorite decade of lovey music, and you know, I was born then and all... so I am sort of partial.

@ tina lynn - well, it's true. I am a sexual bore these days. Just ask my mister.
Wendy Sparrow said…
:) Informative... as always. Mwah!
Melissa said…
LOL! Girl, you are hilarious! Which is why you blog is one of my favs:)
carissajaded said…
This is probably one of my most favorite of your posts ever!! I feel... like I know you so much better!! I think I really missed out by not growing up in a state where there are basements... Geez. I had to do all my business in the living room.

And yes, Awesomespice, is well... awesomespice!
Shandal said…
Fabulous post. I feel like I know you so much better! I Hate lipstick! Lip gloss all the way for me too!
Ashley Stone said…
Oh Amber.... I do not hate you. Cast-Party-Boy's sister who was my BFF told me that back in HS. I just didn't know what to believe. And OMG, my parents would freak out if they knew! I won't tell them. haha. My dad made Cast-Party-Boy change that night before he let him the house because he came dressed in drag after seeing "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Was it the eyeliner that did it for ya? haha. I will say, Cast-Party-Boy was quite captivating, and I do remember his ying yang necklace. I won't love you less... but I am glad my parents have a new washer and dryer.
Ashley Stone said…
ooops... yin yang, not ying yang.
Ashley Stone said…
okay, I just seriously got out of bed to tell you that... the more I thought about it (yes I was awake in bed thinking about the fact that you and cast-party-boy had sex in my basement...but not in a creepy way or anything).... our laundry room in that house was upstairs next to my parent's bedroom. So I have come to the conclusion that you did it on the deep freezer. Sorry to ruin your memories. haha
@ Ashley - Are you serious? My whole life I thought it was the washer and dryer. I do remember my Cast Party boy wearing the black dress AND the eye liner! I never knew your dad made him change his clothes, though. hahaha.

That night was so... odd. I went to Rocky Horror that, too -- but was less provocative, and wore a white shirt unbuttoned with a purple bra underneath. I guess I had the good sense to respectfully BUTTON my shirt before coming into your parents house (and, uh, later unbuttoning it again!)

(Ohh, and we ran into Mr. Hensley on our way into the theater! I was mortified!)

Yeah, please don't tell your parents. Even now. :) I wonder how Cast Party Boy's sister knew? I wonder if he or I told her... I'll bet FRED told her, lol. That poor girl probably knew way more about our sex life than she wanted too.

Ashley, I'm so glad we had this conversation! :)
Ashley Stone said…
haha, Fred probably did tell her. I'm glad we did too, haha. Oh, and by the way, back in HS Cast-Party-Boy's nickname for me was "Babyspice." I called him "Scaryspice." Coincidence with the whole "Spice" thing? hmm.... ; )

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