a little ashamed

I've been feeling a little guilty lately.

I think I'm sort of obsessed with my own blog. Seriously, I adore coming home for lunch in the middle of my workday. My plan is always to sit down and write. It's the perfect time to work. There are no distractions (other than the hungry rumble in my tummy) or reasons that I shouldn't be able to churn out a good amount of words before I head back to the world of checking account deposits and cash-in tickets.

However, I find that when I come home for lunch, all I want to do is blog.

My reader is full as a good girl's Christmas stocking, and then there's my own post -- just waiting to be written. Something alarmingly witty, for sure. Something that will generate the multiple comments I will hungrily read from my cell phone when I sneak out for a cigarette break at 4:00.

So, I avoid the writing -- you know, of the fiction variety. I sit here, instead watching the text fill the blank screen of a New Post.

Then, at night, when I'm home again and my reader is still heavy with entertaining and inspiring posts from all of you, I read with abandon. I comment like it's my job. 

This is my routine. This has become my life.

Yes, I am in full-on blog mode, sometimes until 8:00 at night, when American Idol or LOST or Survivor or Modern Family or The Bachelor or whateverspice starts.

Then, I'm in full-on veg-out mode until I stagger to bed with what are probably very glazedoverlooking eyeballs.

When, I ask? When am I supposed to write?

What the hell is wrong with me? Do I not care enough about it? Do I not have it in me?

Er. Sorry. I'm having one of those days. 

Comments

Matt said…
It's catching. I'm doing the same thing right now. I should be writing. I have grand ideas aswirl in my brain. I've nothing else to do. I'm home alone. No distractions. Except your, and countless other blogs.

I curse the interwebs. I curse Al Gore. And I curse you for writing interesting stuff.

Blah!@#$%
Elliott said…
Now that her first novel will be released next Friday, my newly-published friend is on my case to finish one of the many unfinished projects in my writer box. However, blogging gives you an immediate response that writing a book does not.

Plus, I like that I can be done with a post in half an hour, drop in some fancy pictures, and let the world have at it.
I so understand. The last few days I've actually been writing because I'm feeling inspired. But it means I've been slacking on blog reading/commenting and I miss it like a drug. :)
MeganRebekah said…
I find that I go through spurts. I'm either in full-on blog mode, or not at all. And my writing seems to yo-yo according to my blogging. That's probably bad.
Jm Diaz said…
Ive traded in my blogging in favor of writing, and perhaps even a little bit of - dare I say it? - living?? Ehm... its not true. Its not true, working and writing, are more like it... but alas, do not despair dear... the writing bug (sans blogging) will bite again.
Tina Lynn said…
*sigh* Been there and still doing that same thing. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to do the unpluggy week like everybody else in the blogosphere. I need to get some words down. Prontospice.
It is addictive. I should be writing, but here I sit. :) I'm waiting for that overwhelming feeling that I should be writing rather than blogging to kick in.
Dena Daw said…
I know EXACTLY how you feel!
I am the same way. I keep complaining about not having time to write, but then I realize that I've just spent at least an hour of the day blogging or looking at other blogs. It's like a sickness!!
I don't believe we don't have it in us- it's just that blogging is an outlet. Writers NEED to write, it helps us cope with everything going on in our life...and sometimes it's just easier to write things that aren't going to be judged on it's merit. Ex. a blog. When I blog it's almost theraputic for me!
Melissa said…
I've done the same thing. In fact, when I hit my huge writing slump from December to mid February, I probably wrote a total of 2000 words during that time. But I blogged like crazy. When I unplugged for a week, I managed to hit 5000 new words. It was rough the first few days not reading and commenting on other blogs, but believe me you can do it. Somehow, you start to want to write again, really crave it.
Livia said…
I had to cut down on my blogging as well. The novel's not getting written :-)
Thanks to everyone who understands... my goal? I'll just spend a little time writing before I allow myself to comment on any blogs or watch t.v. in the evenings.

Like right now, for instance.

I can do this!!
AjFrey said…
I have gone through this too. But when it passed, I was writing like a I had lost my mind. So, this too shall pass - and then you will be back and better than ever.
EmcogNEATO! said…
You could have been writing about me. How about we all threaten to shun your blog until you reach a certain word count? :)
pinkflipflops said…
i have the same problem with reading. i have a reading blog and yet barely have time to read ha. i am too busy reading blogs / commenting and bumping.
Susan R. Mills said…
I know what you mean. I get in those phases. I think part of it is because it's a procrastination tool for when my muse is on strike.
Donna Hole said…
It's addicting; this blogging thing. Maybe we should start a "bloggers annonymous" group.

I can't turn on my computer while I'm home for lunch. I say I'm only going to play some solitare while I eat my sandwich, but how do you shut down without the opportunity to be someone early commenter instead of the last one before the post changes.

Well, there are worse things . . I could be bored, like kids are all the time.

..........dhole
Ashley Stone said…
blogging is addictive!!!

Hi, My name is Ashley, and I'm addicted to blogging.
carissajade said…
I know how you feel! I feel like it has become a huge part of my life. Im not supposed to be using the internet anymore at work. I might die. I can't handle it. I need a new job.
Talli Roland said…
I have to literally turn off my internet connection to write! Sad but true...
Jon Paul said…
Yeah--guilty also. I had to commit myself to a strict get-up-before-work-and-write-fiction-for-two-hours diet with no blogging allowed to get anything done.

I hate to make matters worse, but there's something for you over at my place. Totally ignore it though. Go write some fiction instead. :D
Travener said…
From a 100 percent selfish perspective, I'd like you to put blogging before everything. You crack me up, dollfacespice!
Yvonne said…
Amber,
I've found blogging to be addictive and I scaled back to find balance because the most important thing to me is becoming a novelist and submitting short stories and poems to literary magazines. This is fun (actually I love it!)and I know it is important to have a web presence but web presence won't matter if I don't work on my W.I.P. and my query project. I think the appeal to the blog thing is the instant feedback of comments. But I've noticed that some of my best posts receive the fewest comments. And I'm trying to figure that out. I've also had to cut back on some of the contests, etc. because I just don't have time.

Good luck on finding your own balance and the answers to your questions.

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