tmi thursday: in which you should proceed with caution and skip entirely if you're smart

Oh, Thursday. I relish it when you roll around, you with your TMI Tradition. You allow me to open up -- to be honest, and to have an excuse to overshare. You drape me in bravery, in robes of full disclosure. (That reads like an oxymoron, doesn't it? Robes of full disclosure.)

#1. I've been semi-scared to poop ever since I found out that I am with child. Mostly, this results in me holding it until I no longer have the need to grunt or squeeze. You're welcome.

#2. Hubs hasn't once tried to get busy with me in the bedroom. Instead, when I (gently) push on my bladder-area and tell him it feels different -- harder -- he's like "don't push on it too much!"

#3. In an diversion from the norm, hubs said the sweetest thing last night when he got home. He said, "I read online that the baby's spinal cord is developing right about now. I almost cried." (Wait. I'm back: Hubs is such a girl.)

#4. I've had zero spotting.

#5. I think I have a little bit of an infection near my who-ha. (Near my panty line.) It's like a bug bite or ingrownspice hair or something, and in the past couple of days it's swollen up to the size of a small gumball. It's sore as an.y.thing. I got kinda worried and showed hubs, who insanely offered to pop it. He was all up in my beezwax with a flashlight, and told me to bite down on something. I was all, "Get the bloddy hell away from me right this instant!" Upon reflection, perhaps said ugly-red-mass is the reason hubs does not seem to want to get jiggy with me.

#6. Number five was probably THE raunchiest thing I have EVER posted. It. felt. fantastic.

#7. I called my sibling, who is a nurse, and she said my baby is hogging all my antibodies, and to call my doctor and let her know about the ordeal. I called, and now I get to go to my first appointment a week early! (I go Wednesday 4/28 instead of 5/5.) They said to go to the Prompt Care place if it gets worse. Currently, I'm hot-washclothing it. It feels nice.

#8. Still craving nicotine and smoking the occasional cigarette. Go ahead and judge me. It's harder than I thought it would be to quit. I've cut waaaay down, though. I'm going to talk to my Dr. about getting the chewing gum, which isn't a fantastic alternative, but is healthier for baby and me than the toxins in cigs.

#9. Feel overwhelming guilt about #8. Please don't flog me too much.

#10. I refuse to become a mommy-blogger. I refuse to become a mommy-blogger. I refuse to become a mommy-blogger. I mean, you know, one of those who blogs solely about kid stuff. Not that there is anything wrong with that -- but that just isn't really me. Remind me of this moment in seven to nine months, okay?

Scared to click publish post.
More scared than ever before.
But, believe it or not people... I'm human. I sometimes get zits (usually not in such places) and occasionally make mistakes and have a hard time exerting will-power.
If you still love me, you rock.
Because you know you have flaws, too.
It's just that yours might not be the size of a gobstopper or located on your vajenga.


Elana Johnson said…
TMI Thursday rocks. That is all.

Lizz said…
Loved it!!!!

also #8 its better to slow way down then to just quit cuz then the baby will be fiending for it also. :)~
~*~Lilly~*~ said…
Don't worry lady - i too have had the who-ha gobstopper thingie. & since it's your tmi...i feel a bit better saying - It hurts like a bitch!

Loved the post...:o)
Jm Diaz said…
I now know more than I ever wanted to. I R not smart, evidently...
jeneypeney said…
So I totally get those gumball sized things near my lady parts too...

I would say, in my completely non-medical opinion, that it is an ingrown hair.

And I still love ya!
LMAO! I love TMI Thursday and I love the idea that I will get to share in the joy that is your pregnancy viz blog posts. Well, hell, I just love you. ;)
pinkflipflops said…
i am still dying of laughter over number 5.. oh dear god.. i almost spit corona on my screen..

love ya and your stories.. ;)

oh and don't you know that once you become with child/a mother everybody judges everything about you because it is totally their business and all that jazz.
Ashley Stone said…
you are hilarious! (It's probably just an ingrown hair.)

Natalie said…
Ha ha! Pregnancy will make you crazy, (if you weren't already). Enjoy it.
Jen said…
Sometimes there are no word Amber... today would be one of them...
Update: got that sucker lanced and I feel like a whole new woman, but now I am supposed to take Augmenten, a B class antibiotic. And I'm scared to take it. Currently doing research (i.e. waiting for nursey sister to get out of nursing class.) :)

Can't believe I didn't lose a single follower today!
Glad to hear you got it taken care of. As for the antibiotics, welcome to the wonderful world of pregnancy paranoia. I was the same way--questioning the safety of everything.

I remember I was at a Motley Crue concert when I was like 7 months along and the baby kicked as the music got louder and I was like-oh no, I'm going to make him deaf. (FTR, he didn't come out with any hearing problems, but he has since birth preferred 80s hair metal to lullabies. So I've ruined him for life.)
Second the rocking of the TMI. And the resistance to the mommy blogging, I'm right there with you though I do chat about my cutie on occasion.
And yeah, he's a girl! My hubs did the same thing.
Sierra Godfrey said…
GOD you are SO DAMN FUNNY. I can't stand it. The whole list made me laugh hard, and not just because I have a raging headache and am not able to think original creative thoughts by myself and instead have to rely on funny people (you) to amuse me while I sit in cavewoman-like stupor.

And please, do not hold in the poop. I totally know what you mean about being scared to, I was scared to, too. But you're going to pop a roid (a hemorrhoid, that is) if you hold it in. And as you get bigger and more pressure is put on that area, you're not going to want to chance that.

Because here's a little TMI Thursday for you that I cannot B.E.L.I.E.V.E. I am going to post here publicly (but going to anyway, hoping it feels as good as you say it does): roids never go away.

Donna Hole said…
Oh Baby; I've been away too long if I din't know you were pregnant.

You are so the typical first time preggers. I'm sorry; I laughed and I'm so glad you posted this.

Let me just say the only way to get through your first pregnancy is to get through it. Cliche, I know, but true.

You both sound so adorable.

Note: take the anti B's. I've had 5kids, and yeast infections and gestational diabeties with all. And all births so big they thought I'd need c-sections. That little germ will fare better than you during it all, trust me.

Live your normal life; but milk the hubby for every concession you can get out of him. It only works with the first. He learns too.

You're healthy, vibrant, and self aware. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Jenna Wallace said…
This post was excellent practice for you because -- and trust me on this -- you will have no modesty left by the time you have this baby. Wait until you have a team of people getting all up in your business with a flashlight. are getting a head start. Just wait til baby gets here. You'll think nothing of discussing the smell, texture, and taste of your baby's poop ;)

TMI thursdays rock. (P.S. congrats on baby!)
KLM said…
And of course THIS would the day that I really buckle down and get caught up on my blog reading. Wow. A just reward for my slacking to date.

Well, it's nice to meet you and congratulations on the bumble bee buzzing around way up where husbands fear to tread.
ND said…
Love it. I'll hold you to not becoming a mommy blogger, even though I'm occasionally an aunt blogger (love them, then give them back when they need to be changed!)
Alexis said…
You rock because you confess and say what others hide and don't say. Honesty can be hilarious!!!!
EmcogNEATO! said…
You gots guts, chica!

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