TMI Thursday: in which my life has become pitifully mundane

But, I'll do my best.

In truth, I have exhausted so many of my best stories, and I haven't given myself much to work with these past few months: no moments of drunken shennanigans, no wild nights.

Still, there has to be something. Right? Oh, god. Wait. Am I boring now? 

Well, there's this nugget: I watched myself take a dump at work the other day. There's a full length mirror on the back of the one-seater restroom door, and I lifted my little large rump off the toilet seat to watch the log make its appearance and inevitable descent. Kids dropped off at pool. I know, I know. Completely disgusting, random and unnecessary. (Welcome to TMI Thursday: in which I get my shit together.)

In other news, hubs went golfing yesterday evening and it was nearly 11:00 at night when he got back home. I was reading in bed, and he came to kiss me. His mouth tasted all beer-y.

"Did you and your brother stop for a drink after or something?" I asked. I eyed the clock.

"No, the driving range was open until 10:30, and I dropped my bro off at his place, and now I'm home."

"Well, hubs. You taste like a brewery."

"I brought two beers in my cooler. And two gatorades. I drank the beers, but not the gatorades."

So, hubs bids me a fair adieu, and closes the bedroom door behind him. I get back into my book.

He comes back in after about 60 seconds to inform me that he lied.

"We actually did stop for a couple beers and sang a song each at karaoke. I lied before. Sorry. I felt bad that I lied, so I came to tell you the truth." He sat down on the side of the bed.

"That was a stupid thing to lie about, hubs. I don't care if you went for two beers and karaoke."

"Yeah, I know. It was dumb. I thought you might be jealous because you used to love beer and karaoke, but now that you're preggers you're always too tired to go."

"True. Okay, well, I'm reading, so..." I looked at the door. "Either come to bed or go back to the living room."

Hubs exited our matrimonal bedchamber.

I. started. sobbing! Why did he lie? What else does he lie about? What a jerkface! My pregnancy horomes were out of control. Who lies and then comes clean with in ninety seconds? That's retarded. At least when I used to lie to hubs about some scandalous and not-all-together upstanding events, I was good at it!

Then I stopped crying and shrugged, opening my book.

At least I'm better at it.


Jen said…
Stupid blogger ate my comment... Poo (so not relating to your blog post, that was disturbing, I laughed a little too long, I think!)

My husband is awful at lying, he'll tell a lie and just like your hubs and then ten seconds later tells the truth, and it's always dumb!!! BOYS!!! MEN!!!

Yay tomorrow is baby day! Can't wait!
Ashley Stone said…
Oh Amber.... only you would tell people about your poop. haha.
pinkflipflops said…
hahahhaha ilove you.
Travener said…
Yeesh. Have you no boundaries young lady? Well, when the little whippersnapper arrives, believe me, you're gonna get a baccalaureate in poop!
Sierra Godfrey said…
I love the lying triumph.

But Travs is right, you will see so much poo when that kid arrives that you may as well start a poo blog right now. Just today, my mostly toilet trained almost 4 year old downloaded such a massive poo in his night-time diaper that it splashed all over his legs and up his back. When when I tried to get the diaper off him, pieces of the poo fell out and I kneeled in it. So I had squished poo on my knees, poo under my nails, and a very dirty child.

It doesn't ever really end. And when he or she is four and you've had a few beers the night before, dealing with such quantities of poo are difficult when you're bleary eyed and could really stand to use an hour or three more of sleep.

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