TMI Thursday: show me your milk jugs

So, the first part of this TMI will be scary/sad. Don't get weepy. It turns out okay.

As you know, I love and adore my almost-86-year-old Grandma, who lives about two hours away from me. She had hip replacement surgery a few weeks ago and was moved to the hospital's rehab unit a few days later.

All was going well, until amost two weeks ago on a Sunday night, when my mom got the call that she had been completely unresponsive for over 45 minutes. (All her vitals were okay, but she wouldn't respond to painful stimuli -- like a sterum rub, which supposedly hurts like hell.)

(EKG, EEG, all that were normal. A stroke was ruled out. But still.)

My whole family RUSHED to Bloomington to be with her that night, fearing the worst. Our fears were 100% justified because she claimed that while she was "out" that she saw the pearly gates! She's all, "Let me tell you how you go; I'm at peace about it; line the box with pink and put me in my pink robe; I'm proud of my family, blah, sad, etc..."

Here's where it turns out okay: she's still with us.

And here's when it gets funny: my mom and I went to visit her again this past weekend.

So, my mom had previously seen me getting into the shower, huge preggers boobs and all... you know, with the darkened nips to boot! (If you didn't know, now you do... that happens.)

Anyway, my mother decides to pull the curtain around my grandma's bed. "Show Mammaw your boobs!" she said.

So, I flashed my bedridden Mammaw, who took one look and decided, "You'll scare the baby!"

Meanwhile, my grandma's roommate seems to be wondering what we're up to. My mom explains about the peep show I've given.

THEN, my grandma says, "Show her!"

I'm all, "Mammaw, no, I'm not showing your rehab roommate my boobs. No way."

Awhile later, my Mammaw (whose short term memory isn't what it used to be by a long shot) asks, "Will you show 'em to me again?"

I oblige, but tell her with my shirt still lifted up that I can NOT believe she wanted me to flash her roommate.

My Mammaw has disapproval all over her face and shakes her head as I put my shirt back down.

"You should have showed her, Amber. She would have enjoyed it! She has all sons."

In closing, I would like to take this moment to say that I am not sure how much longer I've got left with my Mammaw... yet I'm so thankful to still be able to make those memories.

*pre-preggers size.* they are now quite unsightly. just ask my grandma.
Thank you.


Jen Daiker said…
AMBER!!!!! I'm so happy to see you here, boobs and all!!! I'm glad that you didn't share the photos of what they look like now, I'm not exactly up for a peep show. Glad to know they are Xtra-large.

:) You've been missed... and you can back full force! I love every minute of it!
A. Grey said…
That totally made me laugh out loud! Sounds like you and I could switch families and ever notice because that could SO happen in mine. My twin sister just had her first baby and everyone keeps making the two of us line up so they can say 'See, just alike except for the ginormous yabbos on that one!'
~*~Lilly~*~ said…
Oh the things i have to look forward to one day!! lol Yikes. I can only imagine how big mine will get - i'll be in need of a wheelie cart for each one just to get around! lol

Anyway...god bless grams - she is a gem. :)
Ashley Stone said…
Glad your grandma is doing okay! She's sounds hilarious, I see where you get it! I'm hoping that when I get pregnant I will finally get some boobies!!! : )
Ashley Stone said…
Hey, guess what!??? You won my giveaway for the wine rack!!!!

Email me with your address: ashleystone@insightbb.ocm

pinkflipflops said…
hahaha. i broke my bra the other day the strap just broke.. i was like wtf that was a 40 dollar bra.. damn boobs.. i think i MAY already have stretch marks ON THEM.. wtf dudes.. by the end of this i am going to be a porn star.. they were bigto begin with!
Natalie Murphy said…
Lmfao. Im glad you were able to make that happy (hilarious) memory with her =)
ND said…
Your mamaw sounds hilarious! The last time I saw my mamaw, she asked if I was dating and told me that I shouldn't be. Because "you just don't need a man in your life, they're just too much trouble!"
Travener said…
Very funny. Glad grandma is still with you. I have no desire, oddly enough, to see your currently humungous set. I do like that pre-BITO pic, however!
Sierra Godfrey said…
Oh Amber, I just love your posts. You never fail to make me laugh. Your mammaw is so cute and I'm sorry there was a scare. But I'm glad you flashed your family several times.
Shandal said…
LOL, that's hilarious! I'm glad your gma is okay. My family is pretty close, but not THAT close. LOL :)
MJenks said…
Um...*shifty-eyed*...the reason why I haven't been blogging much lately I've been in the hospital. For reals. Honest. No lie.

So...*raises eyebrows, opens eyes wide, nods a little*
Jenny said…
Have I mentioned that you are hilarious?! I love you, Amb and I'm glad your grandma is okay!

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