Friday, May 28, 2010

taggy waggy

Natalie Murphy and Tina Sandoval tagged me because they wanted to know my answers to the following:

At least I think Tina tagged me. Maybe she didn't. I can't remember. If she didn't, then I tag her now.

Question 1: Where were you five years ago?

1. Only working part-time (for the first time in my life) as a waitress. In fact, I might have not even been back to work yet because I was:
2. Still unpacking from a sanity-vacation. (That would be a good Thursday story.)
3. Heavily medicated.
4. Wondering if I would ever feel like me again.
5. Probably more profoundly sad than I have ever been before or since.

(2005 was a rough year. May of 2005 might have been the roughest.)

Question 2: Where would you like to be five years from now?

1. The hottest Mommy sitting by the kiddie pool.
2. A writer of published fiction heavily loosely based on May of 2005,
3. Earning at least 20k more than I do at my current job.
4. Debt free except for the house.
5. Living in a bigger house, or a least in a house in a less ghetto neighborhood. If you know where I live, don't think I'm a knob. Know that I'm right -- that my neighborhood is sort of ghetto. And, also... know that you are a creepyspice stalker. Because why do you know where I live?

Question 3: What is (was) on your to do list today?

1. Get eyebrows waxed.
2. Pick up dry-cleaned sexy-dress for weekend wedding in Bloomington.
3. Buy card and get cash for bride and groom.
4. Dinner with gal pals from high school to meet their new babies. (Seriously weird -- my three best girlfriends from high school all had babies in 2010, and since mine is due in December, I'll be in that club!)
5. Pack for the weekend, especially remembering comfy maternity pants for the ride to and from my Hoosier home.

Question 4: What five snacks do you enjoy?

1. Sushi. God, I miss you sushi. Avacado rolls are really just not the same.
2. String Cheese.
3. Swiss Cake Rolls.
4. Kettle Cooked Potato Chips.
5. Shortbread cookies.

Question 5: What would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Duh. Get a reality show. Who wants a guest spot?!
2. Travel. Drink. Eat. Write.
3. Buy love and affection from most of you. (Seriously. I'm thinking a one million dollar giveaway or something. I'll bet I would gain a shit ton of followers!)
4. Pay off my parents house, my sisters house, and whoever's houses hubs wanted to pay off.
5. I'm thinking entourage: personal trainer, personal chef, stylist, driver, and a serious hot man posse.

In addition to possibly tagging Tina Sandoval, I hereby also tag Travener, because he usually does memes when I tell him to do them. And I tag Jen at Unedited, because she comments on my blog a LOT, even though she has 65432168 followers.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

TMI Thursday: fetus and fornication

Hubs and I have only gotten jiggy with it twice since I found out I have a bun in the oven.

I mean, my libido hasn't really gone down much -- twice in six weeks was pretty much par for our course lately. How I got pregnant at all is still a complete and utter mystery (or at least a warning signal to all those occasional unprotected-sex-havers out there.)

(And, I guess, excuses hubs from having asked, "Is it mine?" when I initially told him that I was knocked up.)

Anycum, the reason we haven't had much sexy-time is because 1) I can no longer be taken advantage of in drunken moments of "let's get it on, wife" in which I am the wife and I am the drunk... and 2) It makes me uncomfortable.

Let's explore number two.

I know, I know. It's really ridiculous. But, seriously. I mean, there's a fetus in there listening to mommy's "o-voice" in what I can only assume is like the most serious surround-sound system ever.

(You know: oh, oh, ohhhhhhh! YES! OHMYGODSPICE!!)

(Not that mommy usually uses her o-voice during sex with daddy. Let's be honest.)

(So masturbation is out, too. It's been fun, silver bullet. I'll see you next January.)

It's just all so... I don't know, Oedipal, or something. Perhaps I will feel more comfortable when the baby arrives, and is sleeping. Then Mommy and Daddy can get it on all.the.time, because Mommy will totally be in the mood for it then -- once her special parts have been hacked wide open to give birth, and when her boobies are (I'm assuming: painfully) dispensing milky stuff everywhere.

Because all that's hot.

Oh, hell, fetus. You didn't want a sibling, did you? I may never fornicate again.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

more cool than uncool

Uncool Things About Today

I was supposed to have my second baby-doctor's appointment today, but apparently, my OBGYN has more patients than just me, and one of them decided to go into labor.

Sadly, I busted my hump to get out of work with enough time to scarf down a bite to eat before my 2:00 appointment time, and didn't get the voicemail about needing to reschedule the visit until I was pulling into the frakking parking lot.

Oh well.

Cool Things About Today

Since I'd already broken out of the office (okay, the bank branch, but doesn't "the office" sound cool-er?) I decided not to go back this afternoon. I'm working the Saturday morning hours, so I don't have to use personal time -- I just won't get any overtime this week.

With free time in front of me, I drove around in the late May heat with my air conditioner cranked and my sunglasses on, drinking iced tea and making eyes at hot boys in hot cars next to me at red lights. (Can't see my belly bump from the other side of the car window!)

Then, I stopped at The Comfy Cow, a new sweets shoppe. I sampled the Vermont Maple Nut and the Peanut Butter Peanut Butter ice creams and then asked for a Chess Bar to go. The Chess Bar is seriously like an orgasm wrapped in cupcake-paper.

Sorry, but it is.
I came home, watched the newest epi of Nurse Jackie on Showtime-On-Demand, and then sat outside reading my Nick Hornby and (secretly) drinking iced coffee. (It's my third cup o' caffeine of the day. Don't tell my husband.)

Outside, my dog lay down in the grass and sort of lazily panted and looked around. She looked super contentspice and it made me smile.

Then, I saw a white butterfly.

That's why today was more cool than uncool.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

what are you reading this week?

WINTERGIRLS was amazing. I did not want to finish reading it. Reading Laurie Halse Anderson's words is like sitting in the most beautiful pocket of a poetry reading or listening to some breathtakingly sad song.

But, I finished reading it. Then I moved on to Karyn Bosnak's 20 TIMES A LADY. It paled in comparison, but I don't know if it's Bosnak's fault or not. I just don't know what I could have read after WINTERGIRL'S that would have stood a chance.

Now, I'm in the middle of Nick Hornby's A LONG WAY DOWN. There are four first person main characters, and each character's sections (there aren't really chapters) are titled with his or her name. It's about a group of people who meet on a roof top on New Years Eve: they are all up on the roof with the intention of jumping off. They have little more in common than their suicidal states of mind, but form an odd friendship... it's interesting and engaging. I'm going to sit outside and read it now. Peaceoutspice.

2010 book total: 31 books

Library Late Fees: $5.25

Monday, May 24, 2010

i want to stay LOST forever

As soon as the LOST camp announced an end-date for the show a few years back, I pleaded with the Big Guy upstairs:

"Please don't let anything happen to me before then! I really, really, really want to know how LOST ends!!"

The series finale was last night. The series finale was magical, worthy, and wonderful. My life is completespice: I saw how LOST ended.

Of course, there are still questions. If you are a huge follower of the show, there are still things left unsaid, mysteries not fully explained -- hell, the last twenty minutes alone raised more questions!

I. don't. care.
LOST is still the

Here are my top-ten-off-the-top-of-my-head burning questions:

1. Since Jacob "touched" the castaways and brought them to the island for a reason, he had to have orchestrated the plane crash (i.e. he had to cause the pilot to turn off course -- or at least cause the transceiver to stop working -- and he also had to ensure that Desmond would fail to push the button that day.) Did Jacob have an accomplise? How was he able to pull this off?

2. Why were Walt, Michael, and Ana Lucia not at the church in the end? (And Mr. Eko! Where was he?)

3. When and how did all of the people who met at the church die -- the ones who hadn't died yet -- especially Kate, Claire, Ben ? (...even though he didn't go inside, we have to assume he is dead because he is "in" the sideways/ alternate world).

4. Was Miles or Daniel Faraday at the church? If not, why weren't they there?

5. Did Kate, Lepidus, Claire, Ben and Miles make it off the island? Was that the plane Jack saw at the end? Or was it the alterna-world fake Oceanic 815 flight that never crashed?

6. Did Jacob ever "touch" Hurley before the Oceanic 6 (post-island) cab ride?

7. How did Jack get back on land at the end?

8. How did Juliet know about the sideways world before she died? I assume it was because she was close to death, but then -- did other castways also see the sideways world when they were about to die?

9. Was Widmore "with" Jacob? How did he know the survivors of flight 815 were on the island and that he needed to fake the plane crash in order to let the rest of the world believe all the castaways died? (I do remember that he was watching the island, trying to get back, etc. But I still feel that the Widmore connection needed more fully explained. Thank you.)

10. When Jack killed Unlocke (Fake Locke/ Smoke Monster/ Man in Black) near the end, did he destroy all of the evil on the island? After Jack replaced the stone on the light -- who was the new smoke monster that Hurley was left to protect?Also, Hurley, Sawyer, and Desmond stayed on the island. What happened to them after Jack died? 

Are you a LOSTIE? Did you watch the show faithfully? What are your thoughts about the finale? What questions do you still have?

Did you never watch the show? Watch a few episodes and give up?

Do you think it's weird that, now that it's over, I feel a little empty and sad today?

Friday, May 21, 2010

heroic (and humorous) hubs

Bird Update

Hubs discovered the reason the bird's nest was gone last night. It had fallen off the porch light and was hiding behind our shrubbery -- along with the little baby birdies, who had been tossed from the nest and lay quivering in the dirt.

After a little online research, an almost-teary-eyed hubs pulled on his new gardening gloves (I watched his back so as to warm him of the approach of the angry Mamma Bird) and scooped the little ones back into their nest home... and he stood on our his beer cooler to return the nest to its original spot.

A little while later, Mamma Bird returned with food and was perched back atop her new arrivals.

I planned to blog earlier, and thought this story might have a happy ending.

Sadly, the nest has fallen again. I just arrived home from work -- it's Friday evening -- and there is no nest. I assume it's in the bushes, but I am not going to look. Hubs might look when he gets here. (Since I'm pregnant, I can't be around random bird flu potentially diseased tweeters. (@someonesluttyspice ... BAHahahaha.)

(Had to insert something funny to ease the sadness.)

(I hope this isn't a bad omen about my own pregnancy.)

Hubs makes me laugh

During the American Idol results show on Wednesday, I laughed as all the girls squealed about Bieber. It was Bieber fever up in there.

Hubs caught me smiling, and he was all, "Oh. God. Please don't tell me you like that little Justin Beaver."

"No, hubs. It's Bieber. And, I mean, yeah -- whatever, he's okay. If I was twelve I would have a crush. I'll admit that... But, seriously, though. I like him about 100 times more than the Jonas Brothers."

The hubster response?

"That's like saying you like AIDS 100 times more than cancer."


Okay, hubs. Point taken. (But the boy does look fine in purple.)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

TMI Thursday: for the birds

Have I mentioned that a loving frighteningly territorial mamma bird must have smelled the maternity around here?

Said bird constructed a nest atop our front porch light, and has now given birth to some tweety little babies.

(Hubs was going to move the nest before she laid eggs; he decided against it at my bidding.)

(The more I think about it, the more convined I am that Ms. Mamma Bird should be sending me a thank you card.)

So, you know, I took a picture of the nest before the eggs hatched. There might not even have been any eggs in there at that point. It's just a little too high up for me to see inside, and though I considered getting a chair to stand on for a better shot, I thought no... don't push it, Amber. Give Mamma Bird a little privacy and respect.

Photo 1 did not seem to ruffle any feathers.

Anywaddle, the other day I came home from lunch and saw Mamma Bird perched up there, and noticed the cutest little baby birdie face poking out from under her breast. Awww, how sweet.

I got the camera, stood on my stoop, and aimed. The flash must have done it. Mamma Bird flipped the beak out. I mean, she didn't just flap her wings and fly away, she flapped and hovered and squawked at me -- and I ran back into the house like a coward.

I didn't even get the photo. I swear, the flash must have gone off for her to have freaked out the way she did, but there was nothing there. No little baby birdie prize for me.

So, knowing that I've pissed off the Mamma, I've been a bit tentative to leave or enter my house through the front door as of late.

Unfortunately, due to the overgrown rose bush and hubs' multiple stacks of useless lumber chimnea firewood propped up against the back fence gate, I really only have the one option to come and go.

Usually, I just try to avoid eye contact. But, I'm a smidge pretty darn nearsighted and never really wear my glasses, so if I want to sneak a peak at the adorable infant chirpers, I have to get a little look on my way to or from the house.

This morning, Mamma Bird had friends with her -- a little fowl gang, probably there to send a message. I usually peek around the front door before leaving. I like to check see if she's on the nest, and then I high-tail it to my car envisioning that beak pecking away at my temples before I can get to the driver's seat.

So, when I peeked around the door this morning and didn't see Mamma Bird, I heaved a sigh of relief and stood there for a minute. Then, allofthesuddenspice, there she was -- the glass door ajar and all that stood between us -- hovering, squawking, asking me if I had a death wish.

I actually went back inside and waited a few minutes to leave, and sort of shielded my eyes when I finally did.

We performed the same song and dance when I got home from work just now for lunch, but she upped it a notch:  there was actually a bird sitting at the top of my driveway, and I swear that bird was the look-out, just waiting for me.

I am a prisioner in my own home. I. am. terrified. (And I totally understand how Mitchell felt last night on Modern Family.)

However, I understand Mamma Bird's position in all of this.

In fact, once December rolls around and I have a little something of my own in a nest, I may be inclined to treat my mother-in-law in very similiar fashion.

Update: I just got home from work... again. Now, it's 6:30 in the evening. Mysteriously, the nest is gone! Do birds normally dump the nest once the babies fly away? And, it doesn't seem like it's been long enough since they were born for them to be able to survive on their own. If something went awry, the Mamma may blame (and subsequently harm) me. Oh, shit.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

no lifeguard on duty

I didn't puke this morning! Hooray!!

Maybe morning sickness is becoming a thing of the past. Oh, that would just be fantastic -- as opposed to yesterday, when I hurled up cold water -- which was all I had in my system.

Moving on.

I'm pretty such I'm probably kicked out of my crit group, since I haven't posted a chapter or completed any crits in a full month. I don't know why I've put writing on the back burner since finding out about my pregnancy... but that's what I've done.

Sure, I've been a little more tired than before -- and maybe a bit distracted -- but it's not like I'm repainting a nursery yet, or stocking up on onesies, or stalking every known baby name website. (Well, okay. Maybe I am doing the last one, you know, since hubs isn't a fan of Simon Larter Murphy for a boy or Tina Lynn Murphy for a girl. Whatevs.)

However, yesterday's Let's Talk Blogfest really got me salivating a bit. I think it's time for me to dip my toes into the icy waters that are my WIP. Nah. Forget that sissy stuff.

I'd better just dive on in.

What was your lengthiest writing hiatus after you got serious about penning a novel? Why did you take such an extended break? Did you find it difficult to get back into it, or was it more like riding a bike? 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

we need to talk

Yay! The Let's Talk blogfest, hosted by Roni at Fiction Groupie, is finally here. (I didn't sign up in advance, because that's how I roll.)

Click here to read some of the other entries (I'm the 98th participant! I just knew this fest would take off, since Roni is hosting. She should rename herself Fiction Goddess.)

Here's my own entry, from my Work-Eternally-in-Progress. My MC Laurel, is hanging out with her BFF, Paul. Other characters include her ex-beau, Adam, as well as Laurel's sister, Laine.


     The day Laurel left for college, her friend Paul came over and helped transport her clothes straight from the closet into the backseat of her Dodge Neon. They passed Laurel's mother on each trip through the kitchen. On one pass she was decorating the table with festive paper plates, bowls of potato chips and trays of cookies. On another, she stirred her famous seven-up and sherbert punch for Laurel's going away party.

     "That's the last load," said Laurel, as she and Paul headed back into her bedroom. "You called Adam, right?"
     "Yes, for the tenth time. I called him." Paul grabbed Laurel by the shoulders. "He'll be here."
     Laurel brushed her bangs out of her eyes. She was growing them out, and she thought it made her look older, more sophisticated, more collegiate.
     She chewed on her thumbnail as she surveyed her bare bedroom. Paul sat on her mattress, stripped clean of sheets, and leafed through the last box, full of loose photos and other girly nostalgia. He pulled out a tube of chap-stick and started applying it.
     "That has shimmer," said Laurel. She gave him a good-hearted eye-roll.
     "Quit biting your nails," said Paul.
     Laurel plopped on the bed next to him. "You're one to talk!" Paul's cuticles were picked and one was spotted with blood.
     "NHA meeting?" Paul raised his right hand.
     "Nervous Habits Anonymous," said Laurel, grinning. "We admit we are powerless over our oral fixations."
     "God grant us the grace--"

     "Laurel! Adam's here!" Laine called from the kitchen, each word stretched out into four syllables. Sing-song voice.

     Laurel raised her eyebrows.
     "I'm nervous to see him. I'm afraid I'm going to cry," she said.
     "If I notice you starting to tear up, I'll tell a joke, and then you can just laugh really hard and no one will realize they aren't funny tears, okay?"
     "Thank you," said Laurel hugging him. "Paul, I'm going to miss you so much."
     "Me, too, Laurel Lou. Me, too."


     Adam's voice in the doorway melted Laurel. She hadn't seen him since the picnic table. They spoke on the phone, a few times, Laurel calling him to ensure that they were, in fact, still friends. She called once to ask him for a suggestion for her summer reading list, but that was just an excuse to hear his voice. Finally, she called to tell him about the party.

     "And you would want me to come?" he had asked.
     "More than anything, actually," she said.

     Paul got off the bed to shake hands with Adam, and the two gave each other that typical guy-hug that involved slapping each other on the back a bit.
     "You look well," Adam told Paul.
     "That's more than I can say for you," said Paul in a half-joke. Adam did look a little pale, Laurel noticed.
     "Well, I have an excuse. I have been dumped, after all, and now she's got me back in her house to really rub my nose in it. What kind of masochist am I?" Adam leaned against Laurel's bedroom wall. Above his left shoulder, pin pricks looked like stars in the blue paint. She'd had a picture tacked up there. The two of them in some Mexican Restaurant, her eyes shining. Her palm on her chin; his arm around her. She'd taken it down and packed it.

     Paul backed out of the room. "Well, I'm going to go see if I can help Carol and Laine in the kitchen. I'll let you two, uh--" he clapped his hands together and brought them to his chest, unsure of how to finish the sentence. He closed the door behind him.

     Adam sat next to Laurel on her bed.
     "Hey," said Laurel.
     "Hi," said Adam.
     He brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "Your hair looks nice."
     "Thanks." She tucked a strand behind an ear. She looked over at him.
     "So, are you excited?" He gave her knee a squeeze.
     "Not especially," she said. "Part of me really can't believe that I signed up for this."
     "I'm so jealous." His voice was almost a whisper.
     "You wish you were going to a Jesus school?" Laurel joked, knocking his shoulder with hers, leaning in, then away from him again.
     "Well, I'm not jealous of that. I'm just envious that you get to go have all these new experiences. You'll meet tons of people. I'm sure you won't have any trouble making friends."
     "I'll be fine. But, I'll miss you. I already missed you, but I'll still miss you." She bit her lower lip and tried to stare at him as deeply as he stared at her. No looking away when it felt like it was too much to take.
     "I already missed you, kid" He touched her nose with his finger. "And I'll still miss you."
     She thought he might kiss her.

     Laine stuck her head in, "Um, other people are getting here."
     "We're coming," said Laurel.

     She reached over and grabbed his wrist. She brushed her lips against his cheek, and when she pulled away, she kept looking at him. His eyes glistened. He stared right back. They were so good at that. He was so good at that.
     He touched her face, pulled her close and his lips were on hers. He tasted a little like peanut butter but mostly, he just tasted like Adam. She kept her eyes open. She didn't want to get lost in this moment; she wanted to memorize it.

So, there you have it, folks. Another Adam-and-Laurel kissing scene. I'll admit, those are my favorite ones to write. (Bestillmyheartspice.)

Monday, May 17, 2010

this guy says the horse can do, can do, can do

Last Thursday, I attended this Awards thing-y for work. It was because my customer service scores pretty much rocked last year. (We have these random phone calls to customers, and the customers are asked to rate us from 1 to 5 in different categories. Then, the scores are averaged for that particular call.)

In 2009, I had over 25 "shops" and maintained a perfect "5" ranking!

(I'm so nicespice. People just really, really like me.)

Anyway, the awards thing-y was held at Churchill Downs. We, the chosen ones, got to leave work early and we headed to the track for a cocktail hour (okay, three hours) and then dinner and raffle prize drawings.

Except for the fact that pregnant people can't even drink free alcohol, I had a super fun time. Mainly, because I bet on (Derby Winning jockey) Calvin Borel's horse to win in the 8th race that day -- $10 to win! -- and he came through for me.

I won $132.00!! Squee! The horse was a semi-long-shot, and I read in the paper that it was the best payout of the day.

I was going to share some lovely photos with you from my time on Millionaire's Row... but I can't seem to locate the doo-hickey that you plug into a digital camera and then into your computer. Foiled again.

Well, all you really need to know is that I had a lovely view and probably stood in the very spot where the likes of Nick Lachey and Terry O'Quinn have stood.

And that I WONspice.

p.s. If anyone can figure out where the title of this post came from, you will win my love and affection!

Friday, May 14, 2010

TMI Thursday: in which there is a Friday edition

I have sucked balls lately.

Oh, wait. Not that way. I have sucked at blogging with regularity this week. I mean, jeezel peets! Not once in the twenty-nine weeks since my maiden TMI post (which was about how I simulatenously pooed and puked and since God loves me there was NO cleanup invovled!) (I mean, seriously, it was a miracle) have I ever missed a TMI Thursday post!

(I mean, I even found time to post on Thanksgiving Thursday. That one is a favorite of mine -- it was about the time I gave my number to a hot guy at a bar -- in front of my husband -- because a) I was drunk and he asked for it and b) he looked like that teacher from GLEE. Mr. Shu. Swoonspice.)

So, point being, I'm sorry that I have a been such a fair-weathered bloggy friend this week.

I'll make it up to you today. Here's a snippet of a conversation I had with my girlfriends at dinner on Tuesday:

Amber: "God, it would be so awesome if I was still a slut. I could have sex with whoever I wanted and I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant!"

Amber's dearest and least judgy friend: "God, I love you. I love that you loudly announce that you were once a slut in a restaurant full of people. I love the way you think."

Amber: "I guess I would still have to worry about diseases, though."

Amber's other friend: "And passing along that slut gene to your baby."

Amber: "But, if it's a boy he'd just be considered a stud." I rubbed my belly. "It's such a double standard!"

Well, that's the gist of it.

I hope you enjoyed coming along on my girls' night out.

P.S. I took a huge dump the other morning and upon inspection, found that my poo-creation was shaped like a "J." I wondered if somewhere in the world, someone had ever squeezed out a similarly shaped one and found it to be a sign from God. Then I started thinking about how people often claim that they see the face of Jesus or Mary or whoever in their toast and stuff, and I wondered if anyone ever had a Jesus-faced poopie.

(Can we chalk all this up to pregnant brain?)

Thank you for reading this installment of TMI Thursday: the belated edition.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

tuesday ten

I'm too far behind in my reader to write a proper post. (It just wouldn't be fair.)

I'll give you a random Tuesday list instead, then I'll try to catch up and comment on a few of your blog posts, dearest readers.

1. Sometimes when I am out (for instance, eating at Macaroni Grill) I look at people's babies and I think "God, I hope mine turns out cuter than that one!"

2. The other night, I asked hubs to pour me some ice water so I wouldn't have to get off the couch. He was all, "I don't wanna get up either" so I told him I read somewhere that it makes the baby happy when he does things for me.

He's all, "Did you read that on your blog?"

I was all, "What? No!"

He added, "Was that one of your facebook status updates?"

"Uh, maybe... Just get me some damn agua!"

(I think hubs knows about my blog! I just can't understand why he doesn't stalk it enough to claim the b.j. I promised him in my post last Thursday... It's a mysteryspice.)

3. Congrats to Natalie Murphy -- who got engaged to be married. I hope she's keeping her last name so we can forever be Murphy twins.

4. I got some Mother's Day cards from hubs side of the family. It seems kind of creepy to me -- I guess it just made the whole thing more real. But seriously, what can they say so far about my maternal skills? "Way to carry that fetus! You're #1."

5. I won a blog contest! Jennifer Walkup had a 100 followers contest. and I wonspice!! (I literally just found out. I've been composing this list and catching up on my reader because I multi-task like nobodies business.) Now I'm doing the Carlton dance.

6. Only one more new episode of LOST before the finale. I may need someone to hold me and let me cry into their arm pit once the series ends. I will feel lonely for a little while after it's all said and done.

7. Miss Vickie's Sea Salt and Vinegar All Natural Kettle Cooked Potato Chips are like an orgasm in a plastic bag.

8. I have to go back to work now...

9. even though I would rather stay here and keep listing stuff while simultaneously reading your blog posts...

10. and maybe eat some more of those chips. Seriously.

He said, "Was it one of your status updates on facebook?"

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

1) missed you yesterday 2) this is why I eat Healthy Choice frozen meals for lunch

When I don't blog on a weekday, it makes me feel sort of icky and incomplete -- sort of the same way I feel when my mother calls in the evenings and I don't answer or return her call.

Oh, wait. You didn't notice my lack of a post yesterday?! What? Your world wasn't spinning out of control? You didn't frown as you scrolled through your google reader and found my blog title greyed out? You didn't click on it anyway, only to find the obvious news: musings of amber murphy has No New Items?!

(Don't lie. You know you missed me.)

In truth, you didn't miss much. I've just been chillin' -- barefoot and preggers style.

Apparently, during ones first trimester one has ZERO energy. This weekend, I mostly parked my bloated belly on the couch and participated in a one-woman movie marathon. I watched 27 Dresses, the uber-disturbing Monster (in which Charlize Theron plays one scary lezzie) and Nine... which was not everything I wanted it to be. Oh, yeah -- and I watched a little of Vicky Christina Barcelona. And something else. It's all running together.

God, I'm so boring.

I did venture out to breakfast on Saturday morning to try this restaurant called Wild Eggs, which everyone and their mom raves about. I was tempted to try the "ACE" BLT (Avacado, Cheese and Egg) but settled on a three-egg omelet with goat cheese, onion and diced tomato. It was the most fantastic thing I have ever put in my mouth.

I want to go back to Wild Eggs and get that damn avacado sandwich. Why didn't I go there for lunch today?

I think the cravings have officially started.

Saturday night, mid-movie-marathon, I decided I had to have dessert. I wanted something like a brownie or cupcake or four of both.

I really went all-out trying to decide where I would go to get my sweet fix.

I actually surfed the web: I considered different restaurants and their dessert offerings. Did I want a la mode? Nuts? Chocolate or caramel?

In the end, I chose Homemade Pie and Ice Cream Kitchen. I was ready to delight in their wonderous upside-down yellow cupcake with caramel icing.

(And a brownie.)

I ate everything that I purchased and my pie-hole was satisfied.

Tonight, it's dinner with girlfriends at Macaroni Grill. I've been salivaing over the online menu all morning.

Will I have Shrimp Portofino?

Maybe I'll just get Calimari and Bruschetta (god, I love making a meal of appetizers!) and a side salad.

Oh, God -- they have that bread with the olive-oily-dipping-stuff!

Hmm, since I can't drink I'm totally entitled to order dessert, right?! The Amaretto Apple Crispetti sounds todieforspice.

Friday, May 7, 2010

an unclaimed reward and a writerly edition

Update: Hubs obviously does not know about my blog. Or, if he does, he doesn't stalk it. Therefore, hubs did not get any rewards last night.


(What? Amber Leigh Tidd Murphy still writes? Since when? And she's blogging about writing? Wait, hold the phone!)

(Hey, enough sarcasm from you, dear followers. That'll do.)

So, I've decided that one of my hugest fundamental flaws is a LACK of writing in scenes. Here's the thing: I don't know why the hell I have this problem. Maybe it's because I'm writing over large portions of time. (Chapter One currently spans a few years time, and details my MC's experiences when she is 5-8 years old.)

I've decided to try to break down chapter one into scene sections. Also, I've decided that I might not make it backstory. Why can't it be present action?

(I was inspired by Curtis Sittenfeld's THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. Her MC, Hannah Gavener, is fourteen years old in the first chapter, which is titled "June 1991." It isn't backstory. There's a little backstory thrown into the chapter -- it details what happened in the months leading up to the summer of '91... but, yeah...)

So, should I be writing from my MC's POV? She's FIVE. What does she know? Hardly anything.


Well, sir.

At least I'm thinking like a writer and not just like a mommy-to-be.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

TMI Thursday: in which hubs gets too close for comfort

You probably thought this post was going to be about pregnant hanky-panky.

It's so not about that.

So, you know how hubs is in the dark about my addiction to blogging?

I think he is thisclose to discovering my blog, if he hasn't already discovered it.

See, when hubs navigates the internet, he always goes to "favorites" and then "history" to load up his desired website. So, after I've had my way with my reader, several of your blogs show up right there in the history feed on our adorable lap-top built for two.

The other night, I walked into the room and noticed hubs had a window open -- it had a pink-y background. I recognized the site immediately. It was Fiction Groupie's blog.

"Are you reading one of mine?" I asked him, scared to actually utter the word "blog."

"No," he responded lied. (I love catching hubs in lies. It's so empowering.)

He closed the window and right behind it was Vita Brevis' blog. I wasn't born yesterday. He closed that one, too -- in a quicklike manner that is normally reserved for those moments when I catch him looking at porn.

That was the full extent of our conversation on the topic.

Then, the other day, hubs swore I hadn't kissed him hello when he got home from work.

I had been seated at the laptop, commenting on blogs and strolling through my reader.

He told me, "You were too busy blogging."

I was all defensive, "I wasn't too busy. I was just sitting down. You could have come over here and kissed me!"

So, he did. And then he sat down on the couch next to me and told me that there was a guy who had the same name as him, who was an expert-something-or-other and... did I know how he knew that?

"We googled ourselves at work today. It was so-and-so's idea."

"Cool, hubs. Good for you."

Had it never occured to hubs to google himself before? And if he googled himself, did he google me, too?

Does he know about musings of amber murphy? Has he read any back posts? Will he tell me if he knows of my bloggy existance?

Hubs: if you know about this blog and admit it to me, you'll get a beej tonight. (We've never called it that before. I just didn't really want to type the words out full-on. Oh, hell. Nevermind. Blowjobspice. There. I said it.)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

ole garbage disposal

Seriously, I can't even blog during lunch anymore.

(I now spend the whole time feeding my face.)

Here is my usual food routine:

breakfast number one

coffee or cola -- my only caffeine of the day

breakfast number 2

nutri-grain bar
probiotic yogurtish shake
string cheese
yogurt (unless it's "fruit on the bottom." gag me.)


healthy choice steamer meal and a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese


a whole wheat bagel with mozarella cheese and roasted garlic hummus
tortilla chips
more string cheese
raw veggies with obscene amounts of green onion dip

afternoon work snack

carrot sticks
oyster crackers
granola bar


whatever hubs cooks for me. Monday it was Five Guys Burgers and Fries, last night it was pizza rolls. Tonight, he's grilling brats and we're having potato salad on the side!


ice cream sammies

night time snack

more string cheese
half a pbj

Yeah, so all this talk about food has me FAMISHED.

Point of this post? Yes, I've been noshing CONSTANTLY, but when it comes right down to it -- nothing really sounds that fantastic.

What did you crave when you were preggers?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Did you ever hear about

I remember when I discovered the website -- I think it was in the early 2000's -- and learned about this posh New Yorker named Karyn who was determined to get out of around 20k in credit card debt. She was selling tons of her prized designer handbags and outfits, and she also requested that readers send a dollar her way to help her out.

Now, Karyn Bosnak is out of debt and is also a published author -- she wrote a book about her internet panhandling, and her second book 20 TIMES A LADY is being flick-ified.


I wish I could get my followers to mail me a dollar each.

That would add up to $158.00

It wouldn't get me out of debt, but I would be able to make an extra credit card payment or something.

I wish I'd thought of it first. Karyn Bosnak is so freakin' lucky.

You can read her blog here.

And if you want to mail me a dollar, you can't. I don't have a PO BOX, and it's creepyspice to announce your home address all over the internets.


Monday, May 3, 2010

Reading Challenge Check-In

I vowed to read 100 books in 2010. I'm well on my way.

Here's a peek at how I've been spending my time this year...


MIDDLESEX Jeffrey Eugenidies
NO WAY TO TREAT A FIRST LADY Christopher Buckley
HOW TO BE GOOD Nick Hornby


THE ROAD Cormac McCarthy
THE DOUBLE BIND Chris Bohjalian
THE READER Bernhard Schlink


THE TRIANGLE POSE Mary Welp (re-read, totally counts)


IF I STAY Gayle Forman
SNUFF Chuck Palahniuk
SPEAK Laurie Halse Anderson


25 books

Currently Reading:

THE MAN OF MY DREAMS Curtis Sittenfield

Possibly Giving up On:


Number of Overdue Library Books:


So, I'm on pace to read 75 books. I'm cool with this, because I think I can pick it up and plan to be at the 50 book-mark (ha! punny!) by the end of June. So, I need to read 12.5 books in May and then another 12.5 books in June.

Totes do-able.

What are you reading? Have you read more than 25 books this year? Do you track your reading as anal-ly as I do?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

horses, horses, horses, horses

It felt so strange not to blog yesterday.

I don't think I even opened my reader!

I didn't intend to unplug. I planned to post at work. (Shh.)

Yesterday was the running of the Kentucky Oaks. (It's like the Christmas Eve of the Kentucky Derby.)

Point being: we are usually super slowspice at work.

What actually happened: the bank was as busy as a moderately attractive hooker on a popular corner.

There was a record crowd at Churchill Downs yesterday: blue skies, perfect 80 degree weather with wind... it was the most beautiful day. (I know it was a beautiful day because the bank has windows.)

(No. I'm not bitter that I had to work. Not at all.)

So, today is Kentucky Derby 136. Because God hates gambling, the sublime Louisville weather from yesterday has transformed into buckets of rain. If you're betting on the race, bet on a horse that can run on a sloppy track -- we call 'em mudders.

I won't be going to the Derby. I may not even go to a derby party. Today is the kind of day when curling up in bed with a book and something hot to drink sounds like the best laid plan.

(Of course, I have to go work at the bank for a few hours first.)

What I'll probably do, when I get back home, is sit on the couch with a bag of chips and watch very nervous local news reporters interview the celebrities who are in town for the big horsey race.

Next, I think I'll take a nap. Finally, I'll wake up and watch the most exciting two minutes in sports!