Friday, July 30, 2010

i am out of steam

I'm working on a new "project" which I will be unveiling soon!

(Ohhhh, the mystery.)

You'll just have to wait to see what it is. For now, all I've got for you is a huge and  very sincere TGIFspice:

No, really. Thank GOD and jesus and mary that it's Friday.
For the love of all that is holy, I never thought this week would end.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

tmi thursday: muskrat love?

Hubs is out golfing, so this evening I'm planted in front of the television all set to watch my DVR-ed The-President-Visits-The-View and tonight's eviction episode of Big Brother.

First, though, I thought I might regale you with an unprecendented TMI Thursday topic.

Last night, I let my dog out for a routine pre-bedtime potty break. Ever the rebellious little hellion, she escaped from the back yard and set out to do some sniffing in someone else's territory. Hubs went out to rein her in, and as soon as he opened the front door, I started gagging.

"Ew, hubs. It smells like a skunk died in our driveway!"

Suddenly, Carson appeared on the front porch stoop and bolted into the house. She was obviously in the midst of some hyperactive moment or  experiencing some sort of post traumatic stress. She bounded down the hallway and into our bed, and then back up the hall and into the living room.

Then, I noticed that her doggy hair looked pretty greasy.

Then I noticed that the skunk smell was 42415531 times stronger.

Oh, mother of God! No! Say it ain't so. (I mean, I was just about to go to bed!)

Hubs immediately planted his nose into her back and came up gagging. I'm pretty sure he got skunk jizz all up in his nasal passages.

So, I explored some online options for removing skunk smell from dog (we were fresh out of hydrogen peroxide and baking soda and tomato juice) while hubs threw her in the bath.

Since we didn't seem very well stocked for the occasion, hubs just scrubbed the hell out of her with her normal oatmeal body wash.

While Carson toweled off, I took my copy of THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO to bed with me and crawled under the covers to read 2.5 pages before I sacked out.

After reading about a paragraph, I recalled that my darling dog had rolled around in our blankets with her skunky ass. I stuck my head under the comforter and inhaled. It didn't smell much worse in there than it did in the rest of house, so I just went with it. I turned off the light and closed my eyes so as to fall asleep before hubs came into the bedroom and required me to take the time and effort to put clean sheets on our bed.

Yes, I slept in those skunky sheets. And I was snoozingspice by the time hubs came to bed, so I don't know if he noticed that I hadn't changed the bed linens. And, depending on how they smell this evening, I might just go ahead and sleep in those sheets again tonight.

I mean, I don't do laundry until Sundays.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

the bun in my oven is now half-baked (no, wait... that doesn't sound right)

This morning I went to my 20 week appointment with my OBGYN. It pretty much amounted to an hour of wait time in which I felt guilty for reading THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO instead of parenting magazines. My reward: a few precious seconds of hearing a little heartbeat on a fetal monitor.

So, yeah. It was still cool.

I scheduled my next ultrasound -- Tuesday, August 10th! This should be baby-boy-or-baby-girl day. Oh, the anticipationspice!

Update on yesterday's post: overwhelmingly, you readers do not dig the M & M motif for my future infant. Don't worry -- I'm on your side. If only hubs knew about my blog, I could explain that by popular opinion, they've gotta go. Perhaps I should do a facebook poll. Ohh, I know... I'll post it on The Bump. Those ladies will rip it apart. They take no prisoners.

Le sigh. I must haul my bump back to the workplace.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

dreams of little green people

Would this have scared the beejesus-spice out of you as a child?

For the record, these M & M people aren't my handiwork. It isn't like I all of the sudden developed a talent in the visual arts.

This is our "other" spare bedroom -- our future nursery. The walls looked this way when we moved in five years ago. At the time we thought, "Ohh, this would make such a cute baby room someday!"

Now, I'm reallyreally torn about keeping these chocolate covered creatures of the walls of my little beans bedroom. Aren't they kind of creepy?

Or are they cute?

What do you think?

Keep 'em or dump 'em?

(Hubs still likes them. I think he just doesn't want to paint. My big issue is that they aren't really calming. Maybe they were cute for the toddler who used to live in my house, but maybe they also turned her into some hyper-active, manic beast-of-a-child. One who was afraid to eat candy or something.)

Monday, July 26, 2010

worth some examination

Do you guys know about The Examiner?

It's a pretty awesome city-specific website. In addition to news and weather, you can search articles written by experts called (obviously enough) Examiners. I just checked out the Louisville Writing Careers Examiner, a gal named Jessica Hastings.

(A few of you will love to know that her most recent post was on Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maas.)

The Examiner is hiring. There are a list of topic available in your city of choice, or you can add a topic that interests you if you don't find your preference listed.

I submitted a bio, some personal information, and a writing sample over the weekend, and hope to become a First Time Mom Examiner, or the Louisville Book Examiner.

I have no idea what the pay scale is, but I figured it was worth looking into. A little suplemental income never hurt anyone expecting a baby!

Let me know if you're heard anything about The Examiner -- or if you have tried out the website before, let me know what you think.

Friday, July 23, 2010

getting all bookified

My pal, pinkflipflops, at the many thoughts of a reader snagged these questions from

I'd love to read your book-y answers, too!

What have you just read?

I just finished THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING by Joshilyn Jackson and I lurvvvved it. I blogged about it earlier this week because I jocked it so much. Before reading that amazing novel, I read WEDDING SEASON by Darcy Cosper, (adored it) a book my Mom liked called THE SHACK (sort of abhored it!) and BUT INSIDE I'M SCREAMING by Elizabeth Flock (it was a'right.)

What are you reading now?

Don't laugh. I often read 21654321 books at the same time. I technically have six books going right now.

I've been reading Jonathan S. Foer's EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED since April. Yeah. I've sort of decided to finish it at some point since I'm close to halfway through it.

I'm reading THE BLIND ASSASSIN by Margaret Atwood.

I started THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO last night because I couldn't help myself.

I've been reading Steve Martin's THE PLEASURE OF MY COMPANY in my car-spare-time (i.e. red lights and drive thru's) this week, and I'm in love with the first 30 pages. I brought it in the house last night and apologized to "those other books" I'm reading.



Do you have any idea what you'll read when you're done with that?

As a matter of matter, I do! When I finish at least two of the books listed above I'll probably start one of my library books... either Patricia Wood's LOTTERY or Jonathan Tropper's HOW TO TALK TO A WIDOWER.

What's the worst thing you were ever forced to read?

Herm. I can't remember being forced to read anything completely heinous. I wasn't a fan of MOBY DICK, so I put it down after 140-ish pages. But no one was forcing me to read it. My ex-beau went through an Ayn Randian phase, and I wasn't a huge fan of THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS, either.

What's one book you always recommend to just about anyone?

Sue Miller's WHILE I WAS GONE.
Barbara Kingsolver's THE POISONWOOD BIBLE.
Lois Lowry's THE GIVER.

Le Sighspice. I love those three books.

Do you read books while you eat?

Yes. At almost every meal.

While you bathe?

I used to sit down in the shower and read when I was a teen. Sometimes the pages would get wet. (Um, no. I'm serious!) These days, my hot water heater doesn't have time for me to both read and wash my 2000 parts, so I put the kibosh on that activity years ago.

I hardly ever have a bath, but when I do, there are always bubbles and books involved.

While you watch movies or tv?

Yes, sometimes. During commercials, especially. Then I'll look up and realize the show is back on and I have to rewind live television. I often say, "It's magic" while doing so, and kiss my remote. I love DVR.

While you're on the computer?

Not typically. Maybe if I was waiting for a website to load, or if I was idle on facebook or something.

When you were little did other children tease you about your reading habits?

Not that I can recall... they had plenty of other reasons to tease me (reasons including, but not limited to, the canyon of a gap between my two front teeth.)

I did get in trouble once during fifth grade Math class for reading a Baby-Sitter's Club book in the middle of the lesson.

What's the last thing you stayed up half the night reading because it was so good you couldn't put it down?

Chris Bohjalian's THE DOUBLE BIND... and about 90% of the other books I've read this year.

Have any books made you cry?

Duh! I'm a girlspice. The last book I remember inducing actual wet tears were Cormac McCarthy's THE ROAD and Sue Miller's LOST IN THE FOREST.

This was fun! If your name is Travener or Roni or Elena or Shannon or other-Amber's or JM Diaz or Carissa or Jen or Simon or Wendy or Sierra or Natalie or Mehlane or Vickie or Lilly or B.E. or something else then YOU, too... should complete this meme.

(Yeah, that was lazy tagging, so you aren't officially bound.)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

the girl who stopped swimming, but wouldn't stop reading

Ahh... I'm reading the best book right now. The main characters are named David and Laurel -- the same names as two of my very own characters in my will-she-really-ever-finish-writing-it WIP.

Anyway. The book is called THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING and it has been likened to THE LOVELY BONES.

It's fantastic so far -- 85 pages in, and I'm. in. love.

I'm off to read more, but before I go...

I haven't really bragged about the sheer awesomespice number of books I've read in 2010 for awhile. It's time to share:

With a goal of 100, I'm on book number 54!

While I apparently threw out my writing goals along with the used-pregnancy tests I took (hubs said it was just icky-weird to save those as mementos -- also, is that like thowing out the baby with the bath water? -- I never understood that cliche. Anyway. This parenthetical aside has spiraled out of control.) it appears that I just might succeed in my reading goals this year.

I rock at something!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

i'm back with a random vengeance. clearly.

This afternoon, I lulled away the day. Yes, I'm off work again... I have to be there this Saturday, so I was entitled to the shedding of a few hours today, an attempt to keep overtime to a minimum.

That's just fine with me.

I meant to come home and take a nap. (That's always on my agenda. Clearly.) Instead, I caught up on my google reader -- or at least made a hell of an attempt to do so -- read a bit of a novel, watched obscene amounts of a three-hour-long, DVR-ed episode of Big Brother After Dark on SHO-time. (This was, in fact, so mind-numbing that it was almost like napping.)

So is the story of my life: watch hours tick away while I make little progress: maternal, writerly, or otherwise. It occurs to me that I probably need to learn how to do things, like, I don't know, install a car seat. Or perhaps start a babyspice-registry. Or scope out day-care centers.

Instead, I just made a king-sized Snickers my bitch and poured myself a Sweet Tea. Ahh, my new drug of choice: the sugar coma.

p.s. Is that really how you spell vengeance?

Monday, July 19, 2010

a sober vacation: or, in which i drank o'douls

Vacation was a complete and utter... success! Let's not talk about getting up this morning -- although I have enjoyed returning to the workforce with bronzed arms and legs.
This was day one: pre-bronzed body parts.

The baby-makers.

Impregnated, designated driver.

View from our balcony. Note the clear water... but also note the lack of beach. This has nothing to do with the oil spill... apparently the shore has just eroded. They are supposed to get replacement sand... eventually. It was actually kind of nice: no trudging across hot, dry sand to get to the salt water!

Seriously, though. Lack of beachspice.

With a beach buddy like this, though... who could complain about anything?

Well, bloggy world: I'm back. What have I missed in your lives? Which posts in my overflowing google-reader are can't miss? Who missed me the mostest?

Friday, July 9, 2010

castles in the sand

I'll be unplugged next week while I'm at the beach getting my vacay on. Yes, I know you'll miss me, but absence makes the heart grow even fonder! For the record, I am quite behind on my google reader. I'm hoping to catch up and visit all your fabulous blogs before I leave. Mama loves you!

In other news, is this not awesome?! ...

I'll be back next week with photos galore of my bathing suit baby bump (which will probably be made up of about 14 pounds of peel-and-eat shrimp and other beachy treats. If I can't drink frozen adult beverages, you'd better believe I'll be reaching levels of intoxication via food.)

Good-bye, land lubbers. I'm beach bound!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

TMI Thursday: nah, just a regular post

TMI Thursday is becoming a chore. As much as I love to regale you with my tales of woespice and irresponsibility, these moments of insanity are now fewer and farther between as I can no longer use alcohol as fodder for my blog-worthy behavior. This morning I was all, Aw, man: it's Thursday. What do I have for my TMI post? Nothing.

So, perhaps I'll just post TMI's sporatically for the next few.

Sorry to disappoint. *hangs head.*

In normal news, my vacation starts as soon as I leave the bank tomorrow evening! Hoorayyyyyspice. I'm so ready for fun in the sun. I need a break, and I can't wait to arrive in Destin early Sunday morning. My niece and I have plans for lots of pool time. We even practiced on Memorial Day weekend. Please review:

always pose by the pool in a cute dress.

hold on to aunt amber for dear life.

remove mascara before getting in next time. (applies to aunt amber only. obvi.)

Wear bikini to infuriate daddy, pappaw, and uncle murph!
(only applies to carley; clearly aunt amber will not be showing off a bare preggers midsection. come on now. that would be trashy.)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

if you're happy and you know it... make a list

Bank Monday holidays are the best. A solid, uninterrupted weekend -- even if one is forced to put in a few Saturday hours, as this one was -- and Monday off on the company's dime.


However, a Tuesday at the bank after a Monday holiday is not so utopian and sometimes makes an employee forget why it was worth it to have a day off at all.

So, yes. Today has been a bit stressful. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind myself of all the things that make me happy.

Things that make me grin

1. Lunch hour. Eating hubs homemade tuna on yummy whole grain bread, even though we're at the end of the loaf and I had to use the heel.

2. Making sweet tea in my Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker. Drinking said sweet with ice. Ice is nice. I like ice.

3. My 2010 reading total: 48 books. As of July 6th, I'm only two books off the pace. I WILL read 100 books this year. (Know of any good short books? I'm obvi going to need to pad my stats a little.)

4. Classic college basketball games on the Big Ten Network. Cheering for my Hoosiers in games long since written in the record books is fun, not strange.

5. Three paychecks in July. I loved you July 2nd. July 16th and July 30th -- we will be great friends.

6. Signing up for WriteOnCon. I'm allowed, even though I don't write kid lit.

7. Memories of Jake and Vienna's interview last night on The Bachelorette. It was deliciously awkward, though it did give me a bit of heartburn. Worth it.

8.  My vacation starts Saturday! We're going to Destin, Florida and will have fun whether we're bathed in suntan oil or BP oil.

9. Shopping for vacation must-haves, like a bathing suit, because this is the first year I can say that it isn't my fault if I don't look like a perfect ten in my swim wear. Of course I don't. I'm making a baby.

10. Saying der out loud after typing number 9.

Monday, July 5, 2010

ambiguous baby; contest extended

Well, I hope you've enjoyed the fourth and have extended your Independence Celebration, as I have, with a paid day off work! Hubs and I stayed in yesterday: I read, he cooked. We ate skewered shrimp and grilled pineapple, made s'mores, and watched our neighbors fireworks show. (I swear, they must have spent a small fortune.) It was a grand ol' time. I didn't change out of my pajamas all day, nor did I complete any tasks that one might call productive. That's why laundry, dishes, and some semblance of house cleaning are on the docket today.

But, first: an update on Baby Murphy. I went for the ultrasound Friday, and it.was.fantastic to see my little peanut's face.

Crazy/ Amazing.

The ultrasound tech got a pretty decent view of the private parts from the rear angle, and said the following, "Well, I don't really see anything sticking out... so I would say I was leaning toward girl, if I could just see a little more detail. "

I said, "So, what I'm hearing is 80/20 girl."

She's all, "I didn't say that! I really can't say with confidence either way. Sorry!!!"

Blast. I wanted to know for sure! I guess I'll leave the contest open, even though I feel like voting girl would now be the obvious choice. (I'm pretty sure we're having a girl. There was nothing sticking out!)

Here are the votes so far:

Vicki Rocho
Frankie Diane Mallis
Christine Danek
B.E. Sanderson
Natalie Murphy

Jenna Wallace
jayme @ kentucky blonde
a little pink in the cornfields

A Griffin

I've decided that everyone who submitted a guess will receive an entry whether or not they guess correctly, because I'm nice like that. Also, the prize is still a mystery... so that makes this contest more specialspice.

Hopefully, I'll have another ultrasound July 30th, so the madness should end then.

Thank you. Over and out.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

TMI Thursday: in which my life has become pitifully mundane

But, I'll do my best.

In truth, I have exhausted so many of my best stories, and I haven't given myself much to work with these past few months: no moments of drunken shennanigans, no wild nights.

Still, there has to be something. Right? Oh, god. Wait. Am I boring now? 

Well, there's this nugget: I watched myself take a dump at work the other day. There's a full length mirror on the back of the one-seater restroom door, and I lifted my little large rump off the toilet seat to watch the log make its appearance and inevitable descent. Kids dropped off at pool. I know, I know. Completely disgusting, random and unnecessary. (Welcome to TMI Thursday: in which I get my shit together.)

In other news, hubs went golfing yesterday evening and it was nearly 11:00 at night when he got back home. I was reading in bed, and he came to kiss me. His mouth tasted all beer-y.

"Did you and your brother stop for a drink after or something?" I asked. I eyed the clock.

"No, the driving range was open until 10:30, and I dropped my bro off at his place, and now I'm home."

"Well, hubs. You taste like a brewery."

"I brought two beers in my cooler. And two gatorades. I drank the beers, but not the gatorades."

So, hubs bids me a fair adieu, and closes the bedroom door behind him. I get back into my book.

He comes back in after about 60 seconds to inform me that he lied.

"We actually did stop for a couple beers and sang a song each at karaoke. I lied before. Sorry. I felt bad that I lied, so I came to tell you the truth." He sat down on the side of the bed.

"That was a stupid thing to lie about, hubs. I don't care if you went for two beers and karaoke."

"Yeah, I know. It was dumb. I thought you might be jealous because you used to love beer and karaoke, but now that you're preggers you're always too tired to go."

"True. Okay, well, I'm reading, so..." I looked at the door. "Either come to bed or go back to the living room."

Hubs exited our matrimonal bedchamber.

I. started. sobbing! Why did he lie? What else does he lie about? What a jerkface! My pregnancy horomes were out of control. Who lies and then comes clean with in ninety seconds? That's retarded. At least when I used to lie to hubs about some scandalous and not-all-together upstanding events, I was good at it!

Then I stopped crying and shrugged, opening my book.

At least I'm better at it.