Tuesday, August 31, 2010

do not disturb...

Yeah, so while I was home at lunch today I wrote this super-cute blog post about how today is my two-year anniversary. I even thoughtfully linked all three of the past blog posts which have the wedding pictures. There was an adorablespice "do not disturb" image, too.

It was all very posh and romantical.

Then, at the end of the post, I linked a picture of the two of us. But it was completely heinous, so I went to remove it.

And when I did, my entire post DISAPPEARED. And I tried to exit out before blogger saved said BLANK mother-lovin' post, but the damage was done.

An entire post. Eaten for lunch. By blogspot.


Yup, it's just been that kind of week. Our air conditioner is on the fritz, and it's currently 82 god forsaken degrees in my house.

Plus, I am so hormonal, I could kick a puppy.

Hubs better not expect sex tonight in this sweltering climate. (Were hubs to read this, he would probably say he's waaay past expecting sex. I thought libido picked up during the second trimester of pregnancy. Apparently, I was mistaken.)

The "do not disturb" sign is no longer necessary. I should just go ahead and retitle this post.

Ain't love grand?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

TMI Thursday: in which someone didn't plan ahead

Ahh... the bliss of having TMI to tell. Especially when the overshare relates to someone other than me.

See, Sunday afternoon hubs and I went traveled to Lexington for my niece's birthday party. (Happy 5th!) After, we joined the immediate family for dinner at TGI Fridays (where I went a bit preggers-hormonal on the waiter, who really did suck at his job. But that's neither here nor there.)

After a round of good-byes, hubs and I got settled into the car, happy to head back to Louisville -- we're always ready to get away from those Kentucky-Wildcat-loving Lexingtinians. Plus, hubs is a niners fan, so he was excited to get home and watch a bit of the Favre- vs.-49'ers preseason game.

Anywhoddle, hubs was in the drivers seat and Lexington was hardly in his rearview when he said the unthinkable...

"Um, I'm going to have to pull over. I think I pooped my pants a little."

I wanted to burst into immediate hysterical laughter, but then I realized we were in my car so it wasn't quite so funny.

Hubs pulled into Speedway and I asked him to get me a cold beverage after he took care of business. When hubs got out of the car, I was unable to do anything about the little brown trail on the back of his kakhi's. I hoped no one waited in line behind him while he bought my caffeine free drink.

I laughed and shook my head. My eyes landed on the empty driver's seat and the little greasy line that hubs acciddentally left there. Ew.

When hubs opened the car door, I leaned over a bit and said, "Dude, you did poop your pants. It's on the seat!!"

Apparently, some lady walking in the gas station turned and stared and hubs was humiliated. But not as humiliated as me: my 32 year-old husband just pooped himself for no reason. I married that.

I recalled a guy from high school: kind of a sweet-douche-bag... his most redeeming quality is that he made out with me after Junior prom even though he was not my date. Ahh, memories.

Rumor has it, this guy accidentally shits himself on the regular. I've been known to really laugh about that with some girlfriends on multiple occasions.

Man, karma really is a bitch! She made hubs poop his pants to punish me.

Monday, August 23, 2010

because it takes a village...

Photo: http://www.overstock.com/
What's that?

You want to buy my baby a gift even though I never have time to a)blog with regularity or b)comment on your blog with regularity?

How kind of you!

Just click here. (P.S. mother, Amber Murphy, Kentucky)


It was worth a shot!

Friday, August 20, 2010

bring out your 1.) novocaine and 2.) percocet

It's been a rough day.

See, there are a few things in life I'm scared of. I've talked about my fear of flying before, but there are a few fears which I haven't blog-fessed-up to. Until now.

1.) I'm scared when people in the passenger's seat of my car touch the airbag. Like, seriously, don't put your feet up on it if you ever want to ride with me again.

Just don't. I'm afraid it will go off, burning your face and probably totaling my car because the things are so damned expensive to replace. Or so I've heard. (And for the record, I've had this air-bag fear since my high school days, and well before one deployed near my face in my a-deer-hit-me-on-the-highway-wreck in May of 2000.)

Whew. I'm glad I let that out. But it was merely a digression. Read on, friends. Read on.

2.) I'm scared of oral dental surgery. That's why I still have all four of my mostly-impacted wisdom teeth. And that's why when I chipped a tooth months ago (before the pregnancy test came back positive!) I did NOTHING about it other than start cleaning it out with my tongue after eating practically anything.

So, yeah. I suck at life and all things orthodontal. (Plus, I had the pallate expander and braces... haven't I paid my dental dues?!)

Then, recently, two things happened:

1.) intense, throbbing pain around the broken molar in the very back of my mouth.
2.) the realization that if the area is infected, I might be putting the little baby girl inside me at risk.

I knew something had to be done. I was convinced that I would have it pulled when I found out that was one option and that a root canal was the other.

However, this morning, a dentist I trust and respect changed my mind, and I got the root canal, and it wasn't all that bad... except I'm pretty sure it startled the baby, who kicked the shi# out of me the entire time and made me have to pee.

Plus, I got:

1.) Friday off work.
2.) ...and painkillers! Whee! Trippin'spice.

(Nah, for reals. I haven't even taken any pain medicine yet except tylenol. I just talk a big game.)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Today, I become an expert in the art of...


I'm attending my first prenatal class this evening at the hospital where I will deliver the baby in December.

This particular class is all about breastfeeding, a subject which intimidated me less before I google-image-searched it. (Seriously, boys. Go wild. I've never seen so much areola in my life.)

I really hope breastfeeding works out for me, though... because I need to do it to save money. (Okay, I'm looking forward to that bond with the baby, too.)

I was going over a few budgeting issues last night and I realized that by the time my child is a toddler we will probably be living out of our car. Oh, but she'll have a really nice day care Monday - Friday from morning til night. So, that's cool.

I just can't get over it: $190 a week?! For daycare?! It sounds so insanely expensive, but I figure baby will be there 9 hours a day/ 5 days a week... which really only works out to about $4.2222222 an hour.

But, I digress. I was supposed to be writing about breastfeeding.

Yeah, so I'll let you know how my milking-class goes, and what I learn, and stuff.

Monday, August 16, 2010

i miss blogging on the regular

Oh, I've just been so busy, though... and I hate to just pop in for a quickie post. See, this whole writing for examiner.com thing takes up my lunch hour now. That time used to be reserved for blogging.

Le sigh. I've sold you out for a paying gig. (Um, so far... it's not paying much. So don't get too excited.)
Check me out, though. Today, I wrote about Birth Plans.

And so far, my most popular article was about these quintuplets born in Louisville about a week ago.

So, that's cool... but I miss you guys!


Fear not! I will still shower you with lovespice. There's plenty of me to go around. (There's even more of me than there was before, thanks to all this pregnancy weight.)

Let's see... here are some random updates.

* When deleting spammy comments from my posts, I often think to myself "how ruuuude" a la Stephanie Tanner's Full House days. God, she was adorable before she bacame a crack whore.

* It feels odd, but I am currently reading... nothing! I'm allowed though, because I am at 61 books for 2010! I'm 39 books away from my goal with 4.5 months left in the year. I can doooo it!

* Reason I ain't readin' nothin': I took my library books back yesterday, Sunday, and the joint was closed. I can't afford to buy anything. No, for reals. I can't even afford Half Price Books, because I mean... well, even if I got 40 books at $2.00 each... that would be $80.00.

* Re: expendable income/ a.k.a spending money
   Now non-existant due to impending baby human.

* Take pity on me and send me your used books! Hell, just make a cash donation to my pay pal account.

I kid, I kid.

* Unless you're interested.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

if you missed it on facebook, we're having a...


Oh, wait. You guys already knew that, didn't you?

You want to know whether or not I'm having a boy or a girl...

especially if you entered my gender-guessy contest with the as-yet-unrevealed mystery prize.


without further ado...

I would like to take this moment to announce

that we are




I'm reallllly excitedspice. I decided not to post the ultrasound pics of the special parts, because my daughter will emulate neither Lindsay Lohan nor Britney Spears. No. crotchshots.

Also, hubs bought me pink flowers yesterday!

Okay, on to the winner.

These people guessed girl:
Vicki Rocho
Frankie Diane Mallis
Christine Danek
B.E. Sanderson
Natalie Murphy
Linda Henderson
Rose Cooper

These guessed boy:
Jenna Wallace
jayme @ kentucky blonde
a little pink in the cornfields
Simon Larter
Ashley Stone

Guesses it's a Griffin:

Random.org chose number 9 (out of all 20 guessers) so I just went down the list I made... and the lucky winner is...
Linda Henderson!
Linda, please email me at ambertiddmurphy@gmail.com with your contact info to claim your girly prize.

Monday, August 9, 2010

tomorrow's the big day (reduex)

Boy or girl?

Tomorrow, I have an ultrasound. I'm almost 22 weeks pregnant.

If the baby does not reveal his or her special parts, I shall be very disappointed.

Hubs is convinced it's a boy.

My mom is attending the Big Show with us, and if it's a girl she and I plan to point at hubs
and say, "In yer face."

I know that most of you have already cast your votes. If you haven't, feel free to comment with your gender guess. I wish be giving away something blue or something pinkspice.

These people guessed girl:
Vicki Rocho
Frankie Diane Mallis
Christine Danek
B.E. Sanderson
Natalie Murphy
Linda Henderson
Rose Cooper

These guessed boy:
Jenna Wallace
jayme @ kentucky blonde
a little pink in the cornfields
Simon Larter
Guesses it's a Griffin:

Housekeeping: If you don't see your entry here, leave your guess in the comments below. Yes, the prize is still a mystery. If you don't like that, too badspice.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Friday Five

1. I'm going to run over my neighbor's cat. Not on purpose. It won't be my fault. See, he likes to lounge in my driveway (the cat, not the neighbor) and when I try to pull my car into said driveway, the damn cat does not budge.

I actually had to stop at the top of my driveway yesterday and shoo him to get him to skedoodle.

And that was a lot of work. So, I'm considering accidental-looking cat murder.

2. I felt really fat today, and I kept complaining about mentioned it. In front of an obese coworker. Then, I felt insensitive and fat.

3. Is anyone else watching Big Brother? Or am I the only one? Anyone planning on watching Bachelor Pad? It starts Monday and I am already salivating over the impending sleeze.

4. Seriously, I love writing for Examiner.com. Check out all the articles I've written so far here. (Also, read my super cute bio. It rocks, if I do say so myself.)

5. Something in my kitchen reekslikeass. It might be my leftover-leftovers from PF Changs. Yikesspice. I have to go do the dishes now, or my husband will yell at me when he gets home from work.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

outlet. for. pregnancy. hormones. (or, a negative review of Walgreens)


I go to Walgreens pretty often. I used to visit my local Walgreens like every other day, because it was in walking distance from the location where I worked, and was super convenient for a secret smoke break (before pregnancy, thankyouverymuch) or an oft needed mid-day infusion of Munchos or caffeine (uh, also before pregnancy. Well except for the Munchos. I still devour those.)

Anyway, I digress. Sometimes I do that when I tell stories. And when I'm mad.

The people at my Walgreens are almost always really nicespice. This cute old man works there and he has an infectious smile. A cute old lady always mentions it when she has a coupon available for an item in my cart.

I love the checkout people at Walgreens. And I love the elderly.

Usually, the pharmacy staff at my chosen Walgreens are also very helpful, decent human beings. Yeah, they get busy, but they are still awesome.

Except for today.

See, I dropped off a prescription (baby and I are fine, don't worry. Nothing big; I'm not even sick) in the drive thru and went on my merry way. When I came back, I pulled up to the outside drive thru lane. Now, I'm not a huge fan of the outside lane because there isn't a window, and I like a little face time with the service industry. (If I wanted to deal with a pill-o-max or whatever, I would just apply to work with Nurse Jackie.) But, the window-lane was taken, so I decided I would use lane two. Obvi.

I pushed the help button, since sometimes two pharmacy techs work there. I've been there. I know.

Do you want to know what this heinous bleep said to me?

"...helping lane one..."

And that was it. No "I'll be right with you" or "Hi, how are you?"

I. was. livid!

I immediately pretended that I misunderstood and thought lane two was closed. I put my little Vibe (love ya, Bella!) in reverse and got behind the car in lane one. I wanted this little pharmacy skanks name. I wanted her blood. (Well, okay. That's taking it a little far.)

When it was my turn, I couldn't read her name tag because it was hanging sideways off her little Walgreens apron and was kind of hidden in the crevice of her arm.

"Yes?" She had the phone-with-the-microphone resting between her shoulder and her ear. She looked thoroughly bored. She made no eye contact with me.

"Picking up." I decided that two-could-play-this-terse-game.


"35486531 where i live street."

"$10.00." (Score! At least it was cheap.)

I swear I threw my checkcard in that little bin. Then, for good measure, I rolled my eyes. She probably didn't even see me.

When she gave me my medication and receipt, she did not say thank you. She did, for some unknown reason, tell me to have a good day. LIKE SHE CARED.

I decided she deserved NOTHING from me. So, I did not speak. She is cut off. Donespice.

See, the thing is -- I might be a banker, but I work in customer service. We know that people can choose to bank anywhere they want. We always welcome our customers, ask if there is anything else we can assist with, thank them for their business... we always use their names. We always smile and focus on our customers. These things seem second nature to me -- simple. Like breathing. Or like writing about being pissed off at a Walgreens employee who needs a serious attitude adjustment, and could also use highlights.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

coolspice contests and giveaways

Epic August Contest

Roni (my favorite fiction groupie) and Julie Cross (another awesome blogger) are giving away a multitude of prizes, tag team style.

This week alone, you can win:

Hannah Moskowitz's Break
Lisa Desrocher's Personal Demons (ARC)
A query or first five pages critique from Fine Print Lit's intern, Gemma Cooper
A query or first five pages critique from Janet Reid's assistant, Meredith Barnes
A query or first five pages critique from agent Suzie Townsend
A query or first five pages critique from editor Brendan Deneen

Enter here. Enter now (or by Sunday, August 8) so that you'll have a chance to win!

Store Your Liquor

Also, Ashley over at As a Matter of Opinion... is giving away a really cute winerack. Wanna see it?

Cute, right? (And, if you're Simon Larter, don't worry... I'll bet you could substitute vodka bottles instead of wine. A vodka rack. What a novel idea!)

So, click here to enter. Or, don't, and I'll have a better chance to win. Muhahahahahahahaaaaaah.


A Little Pimpin' of My Ownself

Please click here and read my latest Louisville New Moms article on Examiner.com. (It's a featured article on the main Louisville page right now. It's so exciting. Well, that might be because I made all my coworkers read it earlier. Hmm. Whatever works!)

Also, if you haven't already, you need to guess whether or not I'm having a boy or a girl. Because my next ultrasound is a week from today... and when I find out if I'm on Team Blue of Team Pink, my vague-contest (no one knows what the prize will be) will end immediatelyspice.

Deets from original post:
Get busy. One guess per entrant. You have to guess the sex correctly to get an entry, unless you tweet or blog about the giveaway, in which case you'll get two entries in spite of getting the gender in question right or wrong.... but let me know in the comments how many entries I should give you, okay?

To simpify your life, you can enter my contest in the comments on this post. Right here, right now. Do it.

Monday, August 2, 2010

super secret project reveal

I am now I journalist!

I signed up with Examiner.com and I have already published two articles. I am the "Louisville New Moms Examiner" and I get to write about whatever I choose, so long as it's pertinent to my local audience.

Won't you take a look at what I've written. (Because, you know, I get paidspice for pageviews/ length of time you stay on the page/ etc.)

Here's a link to my first article.

And my second.

Won't you support my Day Care Fund by reading one or both?!

Also, if you are interested in becoming an examiner in your town... it's easy to apply! The cool thing is that the possibilities are pretty much endless. You could be a Book Exmainer, a Creative Writing Examiner, a Restaurants Examiner, a Cupcake Examiner (I'm talking to you, Sierra Godfrey!) or a Pocket Link Examiner. (Okay, maybe you couldn't be a Pocket Link Examiner. Though, if you did, I would totes read your work.)

It's kind of like blogging, except you can't write in first person. Or end words with spice. Or use foul language or other snarky words... and you have to stay on topic... you can't just ramble on and on... like this...

(Seriouslyspice, If you do apply, please tell 'em I sent ya. There's a spot on the online application which asks "how did you hear about Examiner?" That's where you would write Amber Murphy told me, because she is awesome. )

So, thanks for your support! I know that you'll only be looking at my articles because you love me, as the information won't be useful for us unless you live in Louisville and are having a baby or are a new mom.