Tuesday, November 30, 2010

it's the most wonderful time of the year!

I shouldn't even be allowed to blog anymore because of the irregularity of my posts and my lack of keeping up with my reader.

Still... here goes. A post! How novel!

Top Ten Pregnancy FAILS
(my due date is December 16th... about two weeks and two days to go!)

1.) Secretly, the car seat is still in the box.

2.) Secretly, so are the stroller, pack and play, and high chair. And the crib is still in transit and coming via Fed Ex.

3.) Secretly, my bag for the hospital is only half-packed. So is the baby bag.

4.) Secretly, I only have four pairs of pants that still fit, and only three of those fit comfortably.

4.5) What are jeans? I've forgotten.

5.) Secretly, I don't plan on buying Christmas gifts for anyone under the age of seven this year.

6.) Secretly, I've considered wrapping baby clothes and other pre-purchased items to give my baby gal on Christmas morning. And I might fill her stocking with little nursery necessities from the now-stocked changing table. Do you know how much money I've already spent on this almost-person?!

7.) The reason I feel like she needs gifts under our tree? For the pictures. I mean, she'll be five seconds old for her first Christmas. She will love and adore it when I unwrap the breast pump.

8.) Secretly, I haven't taken any labor classes... like the ones about breathing techniques and what not. I figure I can just wing it. I'm really good at taking big sheedoobies. How much different can it be to push out a baby? :) (For the record, I did take other prenatal classes. I'm not completely moronic.)

9.) Secretly, I want my water to break tonight so that I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I mean, I want to meet the little one, too... I want her to get here soon for both reasons!

10.) Secretly, I feel quite certain that everything is going to be just fine -- in spite of all my pregnancy fails. So, this, number ten, is not a fail. It's an infrequent anti-failspice.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

TMI Thursday part two: because hubs went out and saw boobies

Did I ever tell you about my bachelorette party? It was THE best night. First, I looked hotspice.

Ohhh, I miss skinny Amber! Circa 2008.
Secondly, there was this:

I love how it looks like I'm in an empty room. There were PLENTY of other ladies there who, I might add, ALSO got flipped around.
Okay, so, obvi... my bachelorette party was second to none. There are no words. It was an amazing night. (I credit the dress.)

Simultaneously, hubs was embarking on his bachelor party. The boys were on the way to play paintball in an RV... on loan from the parents of one of the guys. They stopped for gas, and the guy in question filled up the tank. With diesel.

The RV didn't take diesel. The guys were stuck there for quite some time, in the July heat, waiting on a ride...

Long story short, they FINALLY got to play paintball, then went to Diesel-boys house and cleaned up and cooked out, and then ended the night at the Casino Boat across the river from us in Indiana. No strip club, no thongs or dollar bills or boobies for my groom! What a lame bachelor party! Looo-sers.

Later, hubs found out that my friend (yeah, it was the same preggers or porn gal... the Math teacher!) had gotten me a stripper for my b-party, which obviously was about 21305 times cooler than his b-party.

Sooo, I always told hubs that I "owed" him a night of stripper-ness. You know, where he's allowed to go to the semi-nudie bar without me getting mad. (See, it's really not his thing. He's never been to a place like that... not that I know of!... in the eight-ish years we've been together. I figured allowing him to go would make it even less likely that he would actually do it. Yeeeeah.)

Fast forward, two years later, I'm home cleaning on a Saturday night, just a pregnant and loving wife preparing the home for a baby. Hubs was out at the Louisville football game with a guy-friend. (Actually, it was the same guy with the Diesel-issue in the RV!)

After the game, hubs called en route to a sports bar. The boys were going to hang out a bit longer. They ran into some other friends, blah... etc...

I'm SURE you can see where this is going! Hubs got home a few hours later, and I was all, "Where'd you guys go?"

Yeah, they went to a strip club. The friends they ran into were a part of... you guessed it... a bachelor party.

Hubs was like, "I stayed far, far away from the nekkid women."

I told him not to say "nekkid" ever again.

I tried not to be mad. I really wasn't mad. It's just... I'm pregnant and fat and disgusting and haven't been laid in months...

I was sad. So I started crying. I kept saying, "I'm not, sob, sniff... mad. I'm, sniff, really not mad."

Hubs felt bad.

So, after I quit crying I decided I was glad that he went because he was home by 9:00, which means it was a pretty lame trip to a strip club. And now we're even, so he can't really get away with going again.

And I got flipped around by my own personalspice stripper. Hubs probably just got an eyeful of side-boob.

I win.

TMI Thursday: finally, the "preggers or porn?" episode

The first thing you should know is that I'm getting my air ducts and carpets cleaned today. So, as I sit here and write this, there is a Sears man running around my house. I keep wondering if he's going to sneak up behind me and see the words "preggers or porn."


I've been promising to explain Preggers or Porn?  for, like, a week and a half now. It was a super-fun baby shower game. A few weeks before the event, my shower hosts chose pictures of women from various websites of ill-repute and inter-mixed those with pictures of women in labor... there was a ton of cutting and pasting and cropping of photos involved to turn this fantastic idea into a semi-classy baby shower game.

The host -- my good friend and also a 7th grade Math teacher -- put it all together in a professional-looking power point presentation. At the shower, she handed out dry erase boards (ones she uses in her classroom, actually...) and powered up her lap top, and the guests had the pleasure (?) of guessing whether or not the woman in each photo was either a) in labor or b) in porn.

It. was. hysterical. And fun. Especially because:
a) Alcohol + this game = Awesomeness (for some... not for me...)
b) My mom played. Hearing her say, "I'm pretty sure that one's porn," was priceless.
c) Ashley @ As A Matter of Opinion was at the shower.. and she WON the game!! Seriously, she got EVERY SINGLE one right. I only got, like, 7 out of 15 or something... and I had helped pick the photos!

Ashley, on the left, won the game... but she swears she's never even seen porn!

I've seen porn. But, I didn't win. 

Everyone had to be sure to thoroughly erase their answers, though... if the last word they wrote on the dry erase board was PORN... because, you know, that might have caused some issues in my friend's classroom. "Um, teacher?! Why does my dry erase board say porn on it?" Then, later that night, "Mommy... what's porn?! Does it have to do with Math?"

I wholeheartedly suggest that you play this game at any baby shower you're ever involved in. Thanks.

*Secretly, I'll be doing a second TMI post today... because sometimes things happen in life that are PERFECT fodder for TMI Thursdays. Get ready. Preggers or Porn? was trumped this week.

Friday, November 12, 2010

let there be light ... and pink... I think I'm in love with this lamp.

Awhile back, Ashley at A Matter of Opinion started working with CSN Stores -- CSN has over 200 online stores where you can find lovely items for your home -- like modern extra tall bar stools or quality, affordable cookware.

Or, if you're like me... if you don't cook dinner but are cooking a baby-bean... you can scour the internets for hours and hours looking at CSN Baby.

Anywaddle, ( <-- pregnancy sound effect) Ashley has paved the way for me to work with CSN Stores, too -- and I'm excited that I will soon be reviewing a product on my very own little blog!

I have been looking for a lamp for the nursery, as hubs and I have very little overhead lighting in our home... so I can't wait to receive the lamp below in the mail from CSN!

P.S. Musings of Amber Murphy is now accepting any and all offers which include gratis-baby-plunder.

This is going to look sooo perfect in the nursery. Let there be Lightspice!
So, stay tuned for my review... coming soon.

(Also, I know I owe you a TMI Thursday story about a certain game that was played at a certain bloggers baby shower... and I promise to make good on that. Seriously. I'll tell you what went down. I just didn't get a chance to blog yesterday because I was busy painting the nursery. Less than 5 weeks until my due date, folks. We mean business around here.)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

what I've done, what I should be doing, and what I am doing...

What I've done today:

* Made a list of things I still need to do
* Drank my daily allotment of coffee (sadly, 1.5 small cups)
* Organized the baby loot

Bath Items.

Kitchen Aisle.

* Ordered a few a massive amount of baby things from Target online

What I should be doing:

* Completing the tape-the-nursery-walls since my mom and mother-in-law are coming over tomorrow afternoon to help paint! And since I told said mother-in-law that we've already finished taping... whoops!

Remember the M & M people?! They've been primed-over. Hubs cried. He said the yellow one ended like Old Yeller.

* Finishing the cleaning of the living room, then obsessively scrubbing the laundry room to complete my deep clean.

* Spot cleaning the rest of the house, as to keep it clean now that my "deep clean" is basically complete.

* Taking the final--ish load of giveaways to Goodwill

* Going to the daycare I chose... to pay my deposit and, also, begging to God I didn't wait too long to formalize my decision.

* Calling my HR department to get the ball rolling on Maternity Leave.

* Composing 4.2 zillion thank-you notes... I was blessed to have 3 baby showers. (Number of baby bath tubs received? Three.)

What I am doing:

* Blogging. Can I get a what-what?!

* Getting ready to watch last night's epi of GLEE since I was too sleepy to watch it after I got home from a Basic Baby Care Course (free!) at the hospital where I will deliver. (Dude. Things have changedspice in the 10-ish years since I was World's Best Baby-sitter.)

* Taking pictures of baby-loot-madness for your viewing pleasure:



A'ight. I'm off to go clean things.


Monday, November 8, 2010

Oh, no. I didn't want to become a boring mommy blogger...

Pardon my almost-month-long blogging hiatus. See, I had this dream that I wouldn't become a mommy-blogger, but that idea, my friends, was for the birds.

I'm less than six weeks away from my due date, and there is absolutely nothingspice else on my mind but getting ready for baby.

I'm off work again this week, and thankful that I hoarded my vacation time so that I can continue with my borderline OCD nesting. (Ohhh, you guys didn't get to hear about that week when I was off work in mid-October, did you?! I spent the entire week cleaning my house. I'm talking wall scrubbing. Every inch of wall space. It took me 2.5 days to do the kitchen.)

Today: I tackle the living room. But, before I get started I wanted to pop in to say that I miss EACH one of you so much!! I am unforgivably (but, understandably) behind in my google reader. I can't wait to catch up on your lives!

Before I go, enjoy these preggo pictures. I know you'll just love to see how much I've grown. (40+ pounds, which I could practically shed in tears... when I think upon the girth I've gained...)

Preggo Murphy, my sister, my mama, and my niece, Carley!

At my "friend-shower," we played a game called "Preggers or Porn..." I'll wait and explain this on Thursday.

My gal-pal from high school is expecting twins and is due four weeks after me. She's not ALL that much bigger than I am, and she's growing TWO babies at once!

There's more to come. I swear it. I've missed blogging.