you might be a new mom if...

1.) The auto-turn-off on your coffeepot shuts 'er down before 8:00 a.m.

2.) You drop a deuce and smile because you're able to do that again.

3.) You stare at the toilet thinking, "Is it necessary to flush that? Because if I do, and it wakes my little one..." You decide the flushing can wait.

4.) Your last 30 facebook updates include the word "baby."

5.) You've forgotten what hot food tastes like.

6.) Six hours of sleep in one night? Amazing. Six hours of sleep allatonce? Absurb and unknown.

7.) You take more photographs now that you ever have in your whole life, total. Many are close ups of little feet and hands.

8.) "Weight Checks" no longer apply to you, because why torment your post-partum self?

9.) Your nipples are no longer your husbands playground. In fact, if he went near them, you would punch him in his nutsackspice.

10.) It takes ninety minutes to watch a sitcom, four hours to watch a basketball game... and, if you're this new mom, it took you the better part of a week to watch the Survivor Finale and Reunion Show.

11.) You just know one day that she looks like you, and then the next day are convinced you see more of your husband in that adorable babyface.

12.) The color of poop matters. 'Nuff said.

13.) Your google history includes a search about "green boogers."

14.) You accidentally talked to a friend using your "baby voice."

15.) Your Christmas Tree is still up... and you start to wonder if you'll have the time or energy to take it down before spring.

Comments

Simon C. Larter said…
I LOLed at "nutsackspice." I admit.
Jennie Bailey said…
These are hilarious - even to someone who is not a new mother!
Ashley Stone said…
haha love it! Hope you and Stella are enjoying being snowed in today. xoxo
Travener said…
Oh, *yes* the color of poop! And not just the color -- also the consistency. And how often it arrives.

Yeah, I thought your voice would be all accenty and Border State-y.

It's a nice voice, though.

And your daughter is adorable.
Teaberry said…
Ah.... still the case here after a year!
MommaMilburn said…
This made me so happy. I love it!!

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