the good, the bad, and the fat...

I think I just had a huge endorphin rush when I opened this new post. So much to share... where shall I start?

The Good

The Bad
I went shopping for clothes on Sunday, as I no longer own pants that both zip and fit. I've been wearing maternity pants ever since I went back to work last month, and it's getting a bit ridic.

However, it made me sadspice to purchase pants in a double digit size. Gone are the lovely size 6 and 8 pants that I was able to wear this time last year. Hello, size 14.

That's right, I said it. Size 14.

Now, before you dub me a vain cow instead of just a cow, keep in mind that while I was in college I gained the freshman 15 during each of my four years. Back in 2002, I weighed more than I did when I went into labor in 2010. I spent the better part of my twenties losing my college weight. I did not want those pounds back.

(I should have thought more about that while I was feeding my pregnant face with cheese danish.)

So, anywaddle, after my Sunday shopping spree, my love handles and I were not feeling incredibly pleased with ourselves. I decided not to wear my new outfit to work on Monday. Instead, I slid into my comfy maternity clothes per usual.

It was midmorning when I waited on a customer who doesn't come in that often -- but often enough that we'd talked about my pregnancy at some point.

So, I stood up to take her deposit and she said, "Oh, WOW! You're really pregnant. I didn't notice it last time but..."

I just started typing in numbers and refused to make eye contact with her. I wasn't going to say anything.

But, she went on.

"When are you duuuuuueee?!"

I still didn't really meet her eyes. I just said quietly, "Actually, I already had her."

"You did?! How old is she?"

"She's three and a half mothereffing months."

She told me that she hadn't meant to offend me, and that it was really just my huge boobs that made her think I was waypreggo.

"Are you nursing?"

"Can we please stop talking?"

Yeah, I went in the restroom and cried after she left. I cried because if I'd had on my stupid size 14 pants and a shirt that wasn't all flow-y, then I probably wouldn't have looked pregnant. I cried because I hate my babybellyfatflab but I haven't hated it enough to stop getting Wendy's breakfast on a bi-weekly basis.

I cried because I've gained 5 pounds of my lost baby weight since I went back to work.

I keep making jokes like, "I have to stop eating my feelings!" But, it's secretly true. (Plus, I have all these coupons for free Wendy's breakfast sandwiches with a purchase. So, it's been really economical to emotionally eat.)

Le sigh. Also, I turned 30 March 2nd.

P.S. I don't think this is post-partum depression. I think this is a normal reaction to gaining a boatload of weight and not having the disposable income needed to update my closet with a chic plus size wardrobe. I need more than one pair of size 14's.

Anyone have extra big girl pants they can mail to me?


pinkflipflops said…
((((((()))) I feel ya sister. I'm secretly glad I got pregnant before I had to buy a new fall wardrobe this year. I am the freaking heaviest I have EVER been (yeah I am 7 months pregnant but umm i should not weigh this much even then haha). I put on a pair of pants last night (pjs) that I havent worn in about 5 months and I got sad because umm yeah, thinking all my pregnant weight was in my stomach? A lie. My hips/thighs have expanded. I may have some clothes to send your way this fall if they don't shrink down! eeeeek. And even if I wasn't pregnant, I feel ya. I do. Much easier to eat your feelings than pound them out on the pavement. ((((()))
jayme said…
Aww, Amber I am sorry you're feeling this way. I think any woman can sympathize with the weight woes. Hang in there, I know you can get down to your pre-baby weight. You did it before, so you know you can do it again! :)

(I struggle with weight too, so I know it's hard to actually believe that stuff, but you can!)
Mrs. Grant said…
This 14size wearing "cow" as you like to put pretty darn proud of my body. Look at waht I just gave birth to! Yes, I would like to be slimmer but in no way shape or form do I hate myself enough to call myself a cow....nor do I think you should.
Sierra Godfrey said…
Sweetie, your baby is only three months old.

It takes 9 full months to get off all that you packed on in 9 months. Remember that.

It will come off. Breastfeeding is nature's fat-sucker. Hang in there. Walk when you can. But when my son was 3 months old I felt EXACTLY as you did-- fat and that it would never come off. But it does. It did.
Teaberry said…
Confession: Lucas is 14 months old and I am still wearing maternity pants. I can't fit into anything I used to own....
Travener said…
I've had the weight problem my whole fracking life, so I sympathize.

However, I am jazzed thinking about those enormous boobs of yours.
Ashley Stone said…
OMG I would've died! I'm so sorry, I would have cried too. I'm sure you look fabulous! You just had a baby 3 months ago!!! Cut yourself some slack... and next time that woman comes in just throw something at her. ; )

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