Thursday, January 20, 2011

TMI Thursday: a virtual, vocal #facepalm

video
oh, the humanity.


Several months ago Close to a year ago, I had a bloggy birthday giveaway -- and was so excited to award Tina Sandoval with the prize package -- there was a $25 VISA gift card, a love quote frame, and a few other lovely items which I sent her way.

Howevs, there was one item I could not ship via US Mail. See, I (ridiculously) promised that I would vlog a karaoke dedication to my giveaway winner.

And how hard could that be? I'd have some drinks, get a friend to hit record on a digi camera, and sing my little heart out to some Lisa Loeb or something.

Yeaaah... and then I got preggers. And there was no way I was doing that shit stone-cold-sober.

So, sadly, I'm yet to make good on the karaoke promise.

Until now.

Kinda.

See, I couldn't bring myself to show my own face on the video. (You didn't want to see me anyway. New baby + maternity leave does not equal a shower every day. Trust.)

Here are more reasons that said sing-song is highly humiliating:

* I sang in the privacy of my own home, with no one but a 5 week old baby to judge me, and this was the best I did.

* There may or may not have been multiple takes, and this may or may not have been the best one.

* Also, the song is SUPER corny. I mean, I'm a new Mom and even I think so.

* That doesn't mean that I didn't get hella choked up while dazzling you with my pipes... yeah, we'll blame my horrid high notes on emotion.

So, I know that sappy country music isn't Tina's favorite genre... but, she has a daughter whom she loves and adores -- so I hope this tune makes her smile. Or laugh. Hysterically.

(I shall never be the next American Idol, but... I've sounded worse.)

Note to self: never again promise to vlogspice myself singing karaoke and then completely cop-out.

Song: In my Daughter's Eyes, usually sung by Martina McBride...
and in my defense, it's kind of a hard song to sing.
And stuff,

Friday, January 14, 2011

forgot my filter Friday: epic win

Sometimes, the overshare gets me virtual raised eyebrows and general disdain, but not this week. This week, ol' Honest Amb came away with chocolate covered Twizzlers.

See, there are these really cool author/sister gals, Lisa and Laura. Some people think they are attached in a siamese way, and just call them LiLa. It's easier than tying out two names, I guess.

Anywin, they had a fantastically appealing contest over at their (hilarious) blog this week --   Best, most shocking, most hilarious, most entertaining truth wins the [chocolate covered] Twizzlers. Beyond excited to see what you guys come up with.


*drumroll*


Well, who else did you guys think would win?! (If you say Simon Larter, I'll punch you in the face.)

In the realm of shocking, hilarious, entertaining truth-telling... I will never let you down.

Here's my first-place comment. Please enjoy reading it while I go toot my own horn some more.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...



truth: I really wanted to win, because i think it like, releases endorphins or something... so i must admit that i am typing one-handed and the other hand is attached to my own boobie... i pumped breastmlik at the same time i emptied my google reader. titilating, i know.

Oops. I just realized that I typo-ed "breastmilk." Well, that's probably because I was TRULY typing with one hand!


As I told Lisa and Laura when I emailed them my home address: I can't wait to get my candy in the mail! I can't wait to get my CANDY in the MAIL!





P.S. You should follow Lila if you don't already. They have a book coming out March 1 -- THE LIAR SOCIETY. The story sounds soooooo awesomespice... I can't wait to get my hands on a copy. Lila revealed the sassy book cover today, and I dig it so much that I shall share it with you here.


Happy weekend.

Don't be jealous of my candy.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

...for christina's mom...

I was born in a storm,
when the earth opened up like a fist unclenching
and swallowed the dark.

My first wails were not in mourning,
not for life lost in a cloud of ash, billowed and blown,
on the day I was born.

You wrapped me, covered me,
sheltered me from the branches that broke,
from the thunder that you heard in your core
on the day that I was born.

And then the skies clear -- yes, autumn leaves settle down.
Warmth turns up the corners of your mouth.
You watch me dance in the puddles that formed
on the day that I was born in the storm.

When night falls,
when the wind howls again and your screams resound:
I will hold you, lift you up.
I will be the calm in the eye of the storm.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

you might be a new mom if...

1.) The auto-turn-off on your coffeepot shuts 'er down before 8:00 a.m.

2.) You drop a deuce and smile because you're able to do that again.

3.) You stare at the toilet thinking, "Is it necessary to flush that? Because if I do, and it wakes my little one..." You decide the flushing can wait.

4.) Your last 30 facebook updates include the word "baby."

5.) You've forgotten what hot food tastes like.

6.) Six hours of sleep in one night? Amazing. Six hours of sleep allatonce? Absurb and unknown.

7.) You take more photographs now that you ever have in your whole life, total. Many are close ups of little feet and hands.

8.) "Weight Checks" no longer apply to you, because why torment your post-partum self?

9.) Your nipples are no longer your husbands playground. In fact, if he went near them, you would punch him in his nutsackspice.

10.) It takes ninety minutes to watch a sitcom, four hours to watch a basketball game... and, if you're this new mom, it took you the better part of a week to watch the Survivor Finale and Reunion Show.

11.) You just know one day that she looks like you, and then the next day are convinced you see more of your husband in that adorable babyface.

12.) The color of poop matters. 'Nuff said.

13.) Your google history includes a search about "green boogers."

14.) You accidentally talked to a friend using your "baby voice."

15.) Your Christmas Tree is still up... and you start to wonder if you'll have the time or energy to take it down before spring.

Friday, January 7, 2011

TMI Thursday: Friday Morning Edition

I think I need to re-name TMI Thursday, because my weekly overshare often gets posted late or not at all. Hmm... I've been using TMI Thursday: Friday Morning Edition. Does this suffice? Discuss in the comments section. I'm opening to suggestions... perhaps I need a catchy title for each day of the week, just in case the mood strikes.

I'm thinking:

Way Too Much Info on Wednesday
More than You Needed to Know Monday
Forgot my Filter Friday
Soooo Didn't Need to Go There Saturday

Oooh, I like those!

Confessional
I was all set to write a TMI post yesterday, but I liked the 2010 Meme so much that I didn't want to have a newer post in front of it, shoving said meme to the back burner. Do you ever do that -- like your current post enough to put off publishing another? Er, maybe it's just me.

Inappropes

This is my bossman. He. is. hilarious. However... I think he lacks a paternal gene. (No, in real life I truly think he will be a super fun dad. And he's sweet to his dogs, which is a good sign for his future offspring.)

I enjoy many things about this man-in-power, but here are a few particulars:
1.) I told him that he kind of looks like Seth Rogen when he smiles, and though he stared at me blankly and walked away, he wasn't mad. I could tell.

2.) We had many conversations about my pregnancy. They were all sooo wrong... like the time he said, "What if, when the baby comes out, it just like, turns into DUST."

3.) Because I was pretend-offended that he may or may have not put dust-voodoo on my pregnancy, I told him repeatedly that I hoped that, when my water broke, I happened to be standing in his office.

4.) I told him about it when I lost my mucus plug and tried to explain what that meant. I told him to google it and he did.

5.) He was prepared to drive me to the hospital if I went into labor at work. He's kind of a neatspice freak about his ride, so I suggested loading up the backseat with beacoup towels. Also, I tried to warn him with worst case scenarios... "Um, so, what if your car stalls on the highway, and the baby is coming, and you have no choice but to deliver it?"

6.) His reply, "I've thought of this. I've watched those shows. It doesn't look hard."

7.) When I posted the link to Stella's newborn hospital-photo-shoot-slideshow, I had a facebook message from him that said, "Thank God! She isn't ugly."

8.) The next line? Something about the ones of her yawning being "special." See... he does have a heart.

9.) When I did finally go into labor, my plan was to text him a picture of a broken glass of water (get it... broken water?!) but that was waaay complicated in the midst of contractions. I couldn't even text at all. I just left him a boring voicemail instead.

10.) He turned 30 over the summer. We got him a cake shaped like a tombstone, and in icing-words, "R.I.P. Bossman's Twenties." My idea, obvi. Yeeeah.

Have a great weekend! And to my new follower(s?) from the December 2010 message board on The Bump... please don't run away screaming. This blog isn't meant to offend; it's goal and mission is to make you grin. Especially on TMI ThursFriday.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

2010: A review in meme format (lots o' linky love)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Got impregnated, birthed a baby... also weighed my melons, got interviewed on the radio, loved my niece, (okay, loving my niece wasn't new) survived a bank merger buyout merger in which my original bank was not the one in charge, was the subject of a blog post written by someone other than me, attended a St. Patty's day parade with the Irish, got yelled at by my own thighs, painted a room, nested.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I tried to read 100 books. I read a respectable 68 books. I had low daily word expectations for 2010, and I exceeded that... er, fail. Resolurions for 2011? Nah, notsomuch. We're just going to enjoy the baby.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
If, by close to me you mean... rightherespice. *waves* (Also, my two besties from high school had babies in early 2010, another high school gal pal had twins in November, and THREE pals had babies on December 7th -- exactly one week before I had Stella.)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, not in 2010! It twas the year of birth (see above) not death.

5. What countries did you visit?
Shoo, I didn't travel that far since I had a bun in the oven and stuff.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
The ability to fit into my regular jeans. Damn those cheese danish pregnancy cravings!

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 19th -- My old workplace, National City Bank, was sucked up and evaporated into another financial institution.
April 15th -- I peed on a stick. Multiple times.
December 14th -- My Stellybelly arrived.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?














9. What was your biggest failure?
Possibly, naming my daughter Stella Claire. Because, I fear that when you say Stella Claire out loud it might sound like "Stale Eclair."

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
There was the gobstopper incident, the sports injury, and the root canal.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
It's all lame and baby-related.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends and family, who baby-showered me with much love, affection, and gift cards. My dad, who stayed in the room while I gave birth (he didn't peek-ster or anything) since my sister couldn't make it and I wanted a third person in the room who was NOT my mother-in-law. (Love her. I just didn't want to have to tell her no, so I avoided that by having the room at full capacity.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mostly, my own. Have you read my TMI Thursdays?! Wait... my bad behavior was sooo 2009. Nevermind.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To the bills: mortgage, car payment... to my OBGYN, to baby paraphernalia.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Three words: it's a girl. Then, in December: a healthy little baby girl wail at 1:02 p.m.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Sister Hazel's This Kind of Love
Oh, Holy Night
Away in a Manger
Martina McBride's In my Daughter's Eyes

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
Defffffinitely happier and fatter. Probably about the same financially... that will change when Stells starts daycare.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I'd saved more money. I wish I'd written more than I did. I wish I'd slept in more often toward the end of my pregnancy.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating cheese danish and doughnuts.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Showing off Stella at three family functions; Christmas morning at our house

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes; with a newborn.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
LOST, How I Met Your Mother, Cougar Town, Modern Family, The Middle, Survivor, Castle, Dexter, ... I like t.v.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate. I negotiate.

24. What was the best book you read?
I read soooo many great books in 2010. It's hard to choose a fave, Top 5: Donna Tartt's THE SECRET HISTORY, Chris Bohjalian's THE DOUBLE BIND, Laurie Halse Anderson's WINTERGIRLS, every book I read by Curtis Sittenfeld, and THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING by Joshilyn Jackson

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I quite enjoyed oldies but goodies, thank you very much.

26. What did you want and get?
A new digital camera, the honor of choosing a girl name, and a vacation to florida with my fam...

27. What did you want and not get?
I wanted to find Hubs a better paying job. So far, nadaspice. At least he has a crappy-paying job, though. That's better than no job at all.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
(Hmm... what movies did I see?!) One of my favorites was Remember Me, because the end was such a surprise. Also, I loved Alvin and the Chipmunks, the Squeakquel, because I saw it with Carley.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned the big 2-9 on March 2, and I celebrated with: sushi with my parents and hubster, a hell of a lot of karaoke, a blog giveaway... and on my actual birthday, I had to work at the bank... but a nice lady I know who works at Starbucks brought me a latte and a muffin...

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having a huge fight with hubs about how I wasn't sure we should have kids... about .05 seconds before I got pregnant. Sure, it's special memory now... but it was a serious waste of energy and emotionally draining... and all for naught.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Maternity-chic, y'all!

32. What kept you sane?
Food, pre-natal vitamins, my mother, ultrasounds and OB appointments, feeling Stella kick... an epidural.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ryan. Yummy. Reynolds.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
My usual: equal rights for everyone... and a woman's right to chose.

35. Who did you miss?
Skinny-Amber... my Pappaw... other people.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
duhspice
















37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Sometimes, when you announce a fear out loud, the universe helps you overcome it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future -- a reflection of who I am and what will be.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

three weeks in...

Yeah, all I blog about is Stella. I'm okay with it... aren't you?

I can't believe she's three weeks old already. She's definitely hitting some milestones... lifting her head, focusing on our faces and random household items (like the ceiling fan.) She smiles -- and I swear they aren't just "I'm dropping a deuce" smiles.

So, to celebrate my little one's 21st day of life, Mommy and Stella will venture out of the house today... all by ourselves!

I have a few items to return to Target, and then I think we'll stop by the bank so Stella can see where Mommy works and so that Mommy's coworkers can dote on Stella. 

Stella's Louisville Cardinal's fan-gear:
proof that Mommy loves Daddy.
***

The daddy just called from work to check in. He's a little grumpy because Stella's fussy time is between ten p.m. and midnight... and this is the exact time that Mommy tries to sleep so that Daddy can sleep from midnight until about 7:00 a.m. Mommy isn't sure why Daddy is so grumpy considering that he gets between six and seven UNinterrupted hours of sleep each night while the Mom is lucky to ever get that much TOTAL in any given day.

But, you know... Mommy isn't complaining. She really, really likes maternity leave and doesn't envy the already-back-to-work Daddy.

Daddy just told Mommy to take more naps during the day today, and that he would prefer it if the Mom would take a nap as soon as he gets home from work so that she can be awake to help during Stella's fussiest hours.

Mommy, on the other hand, would prefer to spend a little time with Daddy when he gets home in the evenings, maybe eat dinner together and watch some primetime television before she tries to sleep.
Ohhhhh, dear... Mommy wanted to tell Daddy to run and fu make a baby with himself! Mommy did not tell Daddy that she's taking Stella shopping in a couple of hours.

P.S. Mommy and Daddy really do love each other, we swear.

Monday, January 3, 2011

2011 goals? I just hope to get a shower today!

Hubs is back to work, and Stella and I are just chillin' at the homefront. Mom is trying not to spend tooooo terribly much money on Shutterfly, and Stella is trying not to be toooo terribly disgruntled in spite of her chapped little ass. My poor baby has her first diaper rash.

(My blog is sexy, I know.)

I think I'm going to take Stelly to the pedi's office today -- get her weight checked and see what they reccommend for the red tushie. It's starting to blister a little and I'm afraid it will turn into a yeastyspice-thing.

Yummy.

I'm a little nervous about venturing out of the house with my Stellabelle... I'm yet to drive her anywhere at all. I'm great at being in the back seat next to her, but I'm supes anxious about just the two of us in the car, and me all far away in the driver's seat.

Good thing the pedi office is only 5 minutes away.

In other news, Stella took her first road trip this weekend to Mommy's home state! We My mom and dad drove to Bloomington, Indiana to visit my Mammaw, so Stella (and Mommy) went along for the ride. We surprised Mammaw -- who was beginning to think she wouldn't meet the baby until springtime, because I wasn't sure how long it would take for me to feel comfortable taking my little infant across so many miles and state lines.



Best. New Years Day. Ever.