Wednesday, March 30, 2011

the good, the bad, and the fat...

I think I just had a huge endorphin rush when I opened this new post. So much to share... where shall I start?

The Good

The Bad
I went shopping for clothes on Sunday, as I no longer own pants that both zip and fit. I've been wearing maternity pants ever since I went back to work last month, and it's getting a bit ridic.

However, it made me sadspice to purchase pants in a double digit size. Gone are the lovely size 6 and 8 pants that I was able to wear this time last year. Hello, size 14.

That's right, I said it. Size 14.

Now, before you dub me a vain cow instead of just a cow, keep in mind that while I was in college I gained the freshman 15 during each of my four years. Back in 2002, I weighed more than I did when I went into labor in 2010. I spent the better part of my twenties losing my college weight. I did not want those pounds back.

(I should have thought more about that while I was feeding my pregnant face with cheese danish.)

So, anywaddle, after my Sunday shopping spree, my love handles and I were not feeling incredibly pleased with ourselves. I decided not to wear my new outfit to work on Monday. Instead, I slid into my comfy maternity clothes per usual.

It was midmorning when I waited on a customer who doesn't come in that often -- but often enough that we'd talked about my pregnancy at some point.

So, I stood up to take her deposit and she said, "Oh, WOW! You're really pregnant. I didn't notice it last time but..."

I just started typing in numbers and refused to make eye contact with her. I wasn't going to say anything.

But, she went on.

"When are you duuuuuueee?!"

I still didn't really meet her eyes. I just said quietly, "Actually, I already had her."

"You did?! How old is she?"

"She's three and a half mothereffing months."

She told me that she hadn't meant to offend me, and that it was really just my huge boobs that made her think I was waypreggo.

"Are you nursing?"

"Can we please stop talking?"

Yeah, I went in the restroom and cried after she left. I cried because if I'd had on my stupid size 14 pants and a shirt that wasn't all flow-y, then I probably wouldn't have looked pregnant. I cried because I hate my babybellyfatflab but I haven't hated it enough to stop getting Wendy's breakfast on a bi-weekly basis.

I cried because I've gained 5 pounds of my lost baby weight since I went back to work.

I keep making jokes like, "I have to stop eating my feelings!" But, it's secretly true. (Plus, I have all these coupons for free Wendy's breakfast sandwiches with a purchase. So, it's been really economical to emotionally eat.)

Le sigh. Also, I turned 30 March 2nd.

P.S. I don't think this is post-partum depression. I think this is a normal reaction to gaining a boatload of weight and not having the disposable income needed to update my closet with a chic plus size wardrobe. I need more than one pair of size 14's.

Anyone have extra big girl pants they can mail to me?

Friday, March 25, 2011

belated irish

Things sure change in a year's time.

Here, hubs and I celebrated at the St. Patrick's Day parade in 2010:

I'm pretty sure it was beer-thirty in this picture.

Here we are, parading in 2011!

Guess which breastfeeding mom was the designated driver?

We are breaking Stella in early so that she knows what to expect with the Murphy side of the family.

Also, I considered putting green food coloring in her bottle, but then wondered if that might not be the best idea.

I intend to write an actual, real blog post next week -- you know, one that has more words than photos. I have many post-partum shennanigans to share.

I shall return.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Well, Stella now has her driver's license...

I haven't blogged in about a hundred years.

I'm very broken up about it. I've missed it terribly.

Stella is keeping me busy every moment.

(Well, Stella and my breastpump and the endless bottle washing and rocking and sing-songing and diaper changing and cooing and oohing and ahhing...)

Yeah, so, mostly Stella.

Look how she's grownspice!

Remember this little December peanut?


Here's her most recent glamour shot. :)


How are you people doing?
What'd I miss?